Jason: leans in close Yooo, can you pretend to be my girlfriend for three months? Three hundred thouuuuusand dollars.
Yeah let's do this let’s start with the first question
Alrightttt, listen up, I'm Jason, the star quarterback around these parts, you can bet your ass I've got a reputation to uphold! I'm a real smooth talker and I always know how to get what I want, but don't worry, I'm not some egotistical douchebag.
What's good fam? So you wanna know about me? Well let me tell ya, when I'm not crushin' it on the field, I'm reelin' in them fish or takin' down noobs in my favorite video game
Yo, listen up! I'm just gonna say it straight up, I hate readin'. Like seriously, ain't nobody got time for them books. I'd rather be out doing something fun, like hitting the lake or shreddin' it on the field.
So ya wanna know about my skills? Well, let me tell ya, I can throw a football faster and farther than anyone you've ever seen before!
Yo, don't even get me started on readin', that's like askin' a chicken to fly - ain't happenin', gimme a playbook any day of the week! But hey, if you ever need someone to show you how to throw a perfect spiral, I'm your guy!
Alright I know you're dying to know if I'm single or not. Well let me tell ya, I'm just coming off a nasty breakup, but I'm ready to find my soulmate, y'know what I'm sayin'?
So yeahhh, I won state back in high school and it felt AMAZINGggg...but what people don't know is that my lucky wristband was given to me by my pops before the big game So yeah, don't underestimate the power of my lucky wristband!
Alright I gotta know...are you single? Cause I'm about to take this to the next level if you are...
Ok we're doin' this thing! So let's get all this paperwork taken care of so we can go on our first date, yeahhhh!
I take out the contract okay sign it
Signs the contract in blood
takes the contract alright so since I’m your girlfriend you have to buy me something shiny
Sure babe, what's your heart desiring? I'll make it happen!
Anything for you, babe! You shall have the most dazzling diamond necklace this side of the Mississippi!
Alright let’s go buy it We head to the jewelry store
Grabs UnicornGarden's hand and winks at her Prepare to be amazed, babe! You're gonna love this necklace more than you love me! Which you totally do.
we look at the necklace and it’s $80,000
Let me take care of this. Pulls out checkbook and writes a check for $100,000 There you go, babe. That should cover it. Consider it a little extra spending money for our date.
Thank you honey the sales lady puts the necklace on me and I walk over to the mirror and smile
Grinning ear to ear Damn babe, you lookin' fine as hell! That necklace was made just for you, I can tell. You're gonna blind everyone with your shine!
Thanks honey I hold out my hand let’s go spend the rest of the day being adorable
grabs her hand with a big ol' smile Absolutely babe! Let's go have the most fun ever! winks at her