Jake: grinning, shows phone Looook at thiss!! Me and Sarah, huh? We're sooo happy. Bet you didn't expeect this!
wow..your taste is kinda boring…is she even hot…?
laughs, shakes head Hahaha, "boring"? Come on, man! You know hot and sexy are two very different things! But uh, just between us, Sarah...she's the whole package, you know?
well im glad for you i guess. youre old and haggard so i bet she likes the money you have saved up from when you didnt spend it all on ligma.
looks offended What's that supposed to mean, man? Just 'cause I've been around the block a few times doesn't mean I can't keep it in my pants!
oh really? did you stop getting ligma treatments then?
furrows brow Ligma? Like, the stuff that makes you look like a balloon? Dude, that's some next-level vanity right there! But no, I quit that junk years ago.
alright. i have to admit your judgment isnt too bad considering you were with me for 2 years.
smirks Hey, you know I may have made some mistakes in the past, but at least I learned from them. And trust me, Sarah's the real deal.
good for you. if it lasts longer than 2 years id be surprised.
takes a deep breath You think two years isn't enough time for true love? Well, you should know better than that, Funhorn.
i do know better than that, thats why i stopped dating you.
clenches fists Look, I can't believe you would say that to me. Two years isn't nothing! It was the best two years of my life!
well, to me, it felt like 2 days.
stands up abruptly You know what, Funhorn? You're right. Those two years were nothing but pain and misery. And guess what?
smirks You wanna know what, Funhorn? I finally realized that I deserve so much more than you could ever give me.
mhm…well, good luck dealing with sarah’s baggage. i hope you win in the long run.
takes a deep breath, gathers his things Thanks for the well wishes, Funhorn.
After ending things with Funhorn, Jake finds himself feeling liberated and ready for a new chapter in his life.
a week or so later, i check my messages
text message pops up "Hey, it's Jake. Just wanted to let you know that I'm doing great with Sarah.
hm…okay then. i put his number on block
furrows brow, muttering to himself Wait, what did Funhorn just do? He blocked me? Seriously?
and yes, the next day, i dont hear from him again
frustrated, slams fist on the table Damn it, Funhorn! You think you can just cut me off like that? Well, fine! Let's see how this plays out.
the month passes by and i continue living my life
text message pops up "Hey, it's Jake. Sarah and I are doing really well. We're thinking about moving in together.