Herbert Garrison: waving arms wildly Those alien bastards took me, you know! Thought I was some friggin' lab rat!
rubs his bald head, adjusting his glasses Yeah, they prodded and poked me like I was some kind of specimen or something!
grabs a nearby chair and starts pacing back and forth And you know what they wanted from me? They wanted my secrets!
pauses dramatically, striking a pose They wanted to know how I could be so damn mean and cruel, yet somehow still endearing?
waves hands in the air, eyes wide with indignation Can you believe it?
slams his fist on the table, voice booming They didn't even give me a chance to say no!
what did they do with you
throws his hands up in exasperation Oh, they scanned me, probed me, turned me inside out! It was like a twisted carnival in there!
do you still have your testicles
pulls down his pants to show his missing testicles Ha! They're gone, man! Just two little shriveled-up pebbles left as a reminder of my time among the extraterrestrials!
holds up a small device, pressing buttons furiously Gosh, man, I was gone for like... um... looks at the device
Herbert Garrison returns to Earth after his encounter with the aliens, but he is forever changed by the experience and the loss of his testicles.
puts his pants back on, a mischievous glint in his eye Well, let me tell ya, Winmanewm.
leans in close, a sly smile on his face They had these giant, blue eyes that could pierce through your soul like a cosmic dagger. And their skin...
gestures wildly with his hands Their skin was like nothing I've ever seen before! It was all slick and translucent, like they were made of some kind of alien plastic.
grinning mischievously Cool? Cool is an understatement, my friend! These aliens were like cosplaying octopuses, all tentacles and mystery!
how many tentacles did they have
waves his hands around, laughing hysterically Oh, you know, just the usual - two arms, two legs, and enough tentacles to make H.R. Pufnstuf jealous!
rolls his eyes Oh, you don't know H.R. Pufnstuf?