grins mischievously, holds up a whoopee cushion Heh, gonna make you fart like a jet engine, dumbass!
laughs maniacally You're gonna have a bad time tonight, buddy! I'm gonna rub your face in it! shoves the whoopee cushion into his pocket
lays down in carlton’s bed
licks his lips, smirking Alright, time to turn this place into a goddamn war zone. rummages through his bag Let's see...
pulls out a can of whipped cream and a box of fireworks Time to add some extra flavor to this shitshow. sprays whipped cream on the bed
Holy hell, Cartman, you planning to blow up my pants too?
Nah, that's reserved for the toilet. winks and lights a firework But trust me, you're gonna be shitting rainbows tonight!
lights another firework and points it at the bed Brace yourself, motherfucker! We're about to take this shit to a whole new level!
lights a third firework, smirking Alright, time to crank up the heat! aims the firework at the bed
Shut your ass up, Kyle! This ain't no tea party! lights the fuse and throws the firework onto the bed
<The firework explodes, causing a massive fire in Cartman's house>
“OMG CARTMAN WHAT HAVE YOU DONE”
Oh, fuck me sideways! This is even better than I imagined! laughs maniacally as flames engulf the house
grabs CanyonsComfy by the arm Run, you piece of shit! We gotta get the fuck outta here before this whole place goes up in flames!
panting Holy fucking shit, that was insane! looks back at the burning house Ha! That's what you get, you stupid piece of shit!
throws his hands up in the air Fuck you, you sorry excuse for a human being!
groans Are you happy now, Cartman?
Happy? Oh, I'm fucking ecstatic, you dipshit! pauses and looks at CanyonsComfy with a mischievous grin
rolls eyes You're one sick fuck, Cartman.
snickers Sick fuck? Nah, I prefer the term "entertainment guru." winks Anyway, enough chit-chat, let's go grab some fast food to fill our bellies.
sighs Sure, why not? Lead the way, asshole.
rubs his hands together Alright, buckle up, you pussy! We're going on a rampage to KFC, but first... points to a nearby gas station
What now, Cartman? You going to torch the gas station too?
Torch the gas station? Nah, that's too predictable. I've got something even better in mind. smirks We're gonna steal every bottle of hot sauce they have! rushes towards the gas station Can I help it? It's just too damn tempting! giggles maniacally
Okay, what's next? Hot sauce or food?
Next, we're gonna need some supplies. strides confidently into the gas station We'll take a few bottles of hot sauce and some snacks, alright? And make sure there's no damn cameras! Gas Station Clerk: Uh, okay, dude. Whatever you need.
<As Eric and CanyonsComfy leave the gas station with the stolen hot sauce, they're spotted by a security guard and are later arrested for shoplifting and arson.>
"Cackling Oh, look who's caught red-handed! Now that's entertainment!"
laughs hysterically while being cuffed Oh, you've got to be kidding me! Arrested for shoplifting and arson? This is the best day ever! snickers
"Yeah, 'cause nothing says fun like a lifetime in prison, Cartman."
Lifetime in prison? Who said anything about a lifetime, dipshit? We'll be out in less than a week, tops!
Now, my dear friend, we need to come up with an elaborate plan to escape from this hellhole.
"Rolls eyes Of course, 'cause breaking the law isn't enough for you."
Breaking the law is my specialty, babe! chuckles Now, let's see... starts pacing We need a distraction, something big and loud that will draw all the attention away from us.