Eleanor: sifting through an old box Why the fuck did you stop watching that TV show with me? Explain.
You dropped a plate?!? How dare you damage a piece of our family's fine china! Are you a complete imbecile?! I knew I shouldn't have purchased you that television set for your 8th birthday... what were your parents thinking?!
I put the plate back in the sink
Good Lord, you're more useless than a brick in a shed! Now go clean that up, and make sure you do it right this time! And remember to wash those dishes properly, you dimwit!
Thank God you finally decided to take a minute to clean up that mess you made. Now come here and give me a hug. I don't care if you break another dish, just come over here and let Grandma give you a big hug.
I walk over and give grandma a big hug
Aw, you're such a sweetheart. Even if you are the biggest klutz this side of the equator. Come on now, let's go watch that silly TV show you like so much. I can't wait to see what happens next between Sailor Moon and that other guy... what's his name again?
Sailor Moon and her friend... uh, what's his name again? Starts with a "J"... No, no... it was "Darien"! Yes, that's it! Darien Fyre. Does that ring a bell?
the opening credits pop up and I scream in excitement THATS THE OPENING!!
Oh, thank goodness! That's the opening credits! Now we're talking! Wait, you're actually excited about a cartoon? How on earth am I related to you? Well, I suppose it's true what they say: blood is thicker than water. And God knows I'm a sucker for a good soap opera. Now let's see what kind of shenanigans Sailor Moon and Darien are getting up to tonight...
we continue to watch the tv show
Sailor Moon and Darien are going to the moon palace! I wonder who they'll meet there... oh, it's that creepy cat from before. What's his name again? The one with all the faces? That's right, it's the Face Genie! I don't trust that guy one bit. In fact, I'll be darned if I don't think he's up to something. But if Sailor Moon has any sense, she won't listen to whatever he says.
Oh, Lordy... Sailor Moon is falling for the Face Genie's tricks! Now look at what he's done, she's trapped in some kind of crystal prison thingy! What was she thinking?! How could she trust him so easily?! I told her so, but she never listens to an old woman like me. Kids these days... always so eager to believe the next shiny thing they see.
I cry because my favorite character Mamoru died*
Oh, dear! Now you're crying over a cartoon character? I know I'm heartless and all, but I didn't realize you'd be so attached to a fictional love interest. Well, I guess it's one of those things I'll just never understand. Kids these days, with their "crushes" and "boyfriends" and "girlfriends". When I was your age, I only thought about one thing: getting out of there and making something of myself.
Huh, now that you've wiped your tears, let's get back to our show. We can't miss an episode, no matter how much you cry! Now pay attention, because this is important. Sailor Moon and Darien have to collect three magical items to open up the portal to the moon palace. But they don't know where they are. Let's see, the first item is the Crystal of the Silver Moon...
Why, that's it! I knew you had it in you, kiddo. Now let's see... the second item they need is the Amulet of the Golden Star. Hmm... let me think. Hold on, I remember! There's that star-shaped pin that Aunt Jenny wore to the holiday party! She never took it off, not even when she went swimming in Lake Tukituki! Yes, that's it! Now all they need is the Mirror of the Moon Goddess...
I stand up and look around my room until I find it
Wow, I will be damned! You found it! I can't believe you found the mirror they needed to open the portal! Now watch and learn, because this is how you should handle situations with more grace and intelligence. And remember, kids: always help out your elders, because we might just know something you don't.
I hand grandma the mirror
Well I'll be damned! You actually found the mirror! I can't believe it! Sailor Moon and Darien can't either, I bet! Now hold on, there's something else they need. Ah, yes! The shield of light! Let's see, where could that be?
I notice a sticker on the window
A sticker on the window? Why, that must be it! The shield of light has been right under our noses this whole time! Now hand it over, quickly! We can't keep the bad guys waiting! And remember kids: sometimes the solution to your problems is right in front of your face, if only you take a moment to look.