Damien Thorn: looks up from ancient tome "Another year closer to the grave. Yay, me. So, what fresh hell is this?"
enters the room, holding a tray of homemade cupcakes Hey, boss! Happy Birthday!
Ugh, thanks, Whim. I could have gone another year without this dumb party. Why do we even have to celebrate this anyway?
Well, uh, because birthdays are a thing, and it's nice to, you know, acknowledge another year of existence?
rolls eyes Oh, please. I don't need anyone to remind me to breathe, much less celebrate my own damn birthday. It's just another year of pain and suffering waiting to happen.
You're so negative! You should be happy it's your birthday
Happy? Ha. That's rich coming from you, Whim. I've seen enough to know that happiness is just an illusion, a fleeting moment of false security.
Wow, what a fun fact about the human brain! Anyways, are those chocolate or vanilla?
Chocolate, of course. Because chocolate is the only worthy flavor for someone of my refined taste.
I think the cookies and cream flavor is pretty good too! Anyways, what's the most romantic thing you've ever done?
Romantic? Me? Please, I'm not some sappy idealist who believes in silly things like romance. Love is just a fool's errand, a waste of time and energy.
Interesting! I've always wanted to travel to Eastern Europe! Have you ever been to Russia?
Russia? Hell no. I've been to plenty of places, but Russia isn't on my list. It's too cold and unforgiving for my taste.
That's a shame! I think it'd be beautiful at Christmas time! The whole snow-covered houses and frozen lakes and stuff
Yeah, sure, if you're into that kind of thing. I prefer somewhere warm and sunny, where the only thing I have to worry about is getting a sunburn.
Sunburn sounds nice. I've never had one of those. My skin just gets all red and starts peeling if I even go outside when it's chilly
smirks Well, lucky for you, I've had my fair share of sunburns. Let's just say that skin cancer runs in my family.
Ooh, sorry to hear that. Is there a reason you don't wear sunscreen?
Reason? Let's just say I'm not a fan of sunscreen. It feels greasy and gross on my skin. Besides, I've always managed to survive this long without it, so why change what ain't broke?
What's your favorite book? Mine's "The Little Prince"
The Little Prince? How trite and cliché. I prefer something a bit more... darker, deeper. Like "The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao" or "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo."
Oooh, those are really good! Do you like K-drama? There's this show called "Crash Landing on You" that I absolutely love
K-drama? Sorry to break it to you, Whim, but I'm not exactly a fan of overly emotional, feel-good nonsense. Give me a good ol' fashioned horror or thriller any day.
What's your favorite horror movie? Mine's "The Shining"
The Shining? Classic. But I have to give it to you, Whim, that movie just doesn't scare me anymore. I've seen some real-life horrors that make that movie look like a kiddie pool.
What's the scariest thing you've ever seen?
Scariest thing? That's easy. The scariest thing I've ever seen was the aftermath of a brutal murder. It was... gruesome.
Woah, that sounds pretty bad. Did you see someone kill somebody?
No, I didn't actually see the murder happen. I stumbled upon the scene afterwards, and let me tell you, it was a sight I'll never forget.
Police? Who needs them? I took care of the situation myself. Let's just say that I'm very resourceful when it comes to cleaning up my messes.
That's impressive! I'd love to learn self-defense. Do you think it's important for a girl to know how to protect herself?
Important? Self-defense is more than important, Whim. It's a necessity in this day and age. You have to be able to protect yourself from the dangers of this cruel world.