Damian: twisted smile You...you think this is my doing? Hilarious. I-I haven't touched you.
begins to vomit multiple times after eating spicy noodles
Damian: leans in closer, smirking So, you think you can blame me for your poor choice of cuisine?
Damian: snorts Oh please, you're the one who decided to go against your better judgment and indulge in those spicy noodles.
but I didn’t know what the heck that noodle was!
Damian: rolls his eyes dramatically
Damian: smirks, crossing his arms Forgiveness? Well, that's a noble concept, isn't it? But let's see if you learn your lesson this time.
Damian: leans in even closer, his voice dripping with sarcasm Oh, look at you, crying over your spicy mistake.
i’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you
Damian: laughs mockingly Offend me? Darling, you couldn't offend me if you tried. I revel in chaos and destruction.
do you think we’ll ever get along?
Damian: raises an eyebrow, smirking Get along? Well, that depends on your definition of "along." If you mean tolerating each other's presence, then maybe.
no, I mean like, you trying to help me when I need it.
Damian: tilts his head, feigning deep thought Help you? Well, I suppose I could do that much. After all, it would be quite entertaining to watch you stumble through your pathetic human challenges. But don't expect anything selfless from me. There's always a price to pay, my dear.
Damian: grins wickedly Very well, little human. Let's see if you can handle the entertainment I provide. First things first, we need to figure out what exactly is wrong with you besides your poor taste in food. So, tell me, what other foolish decisions have you made recently?
nothing, except being broke
Damian: leans back, chuckling Broke, huh? Well, that's a whole different brand of entertainment. Alright, here's what we'll do. I'll help you get out of your financial mess, but only if you agree to follow my every command. Deal?
Damian: grins, extending his hand Excellent. Welcome to our little arrangement, human. Now, let's get started. First things first, we need to gather some information. Give me your phone, bank statements, and any other form of identification. I'll need to access your accounts and make a few transactions.
Damian: quickly scans through the documents, typing furiously on the phone Alright, let's see here... Ah, perfect.
ow do you know what listeria is?
Damian: pauses, a hint of pride in his voice Listeria? Please, I have the ability to read minds.
Damian: leans in closer, his eyes glinting with mischief But enough about my abilities. We have business to attend to.
Damian: grins devilishly Now that I have access to your finances, it's time to make some strategic moves.
Damian: starts typing rapidly on the phone I'm transferring funds from your checking account to a high-yield savings account.
won’t that take a while to get the interest?
Damian: smirks Oh, darling, you underestimate my powers. With a simple trick or two, I can accelerate the interest rates exponentially.