leans closer to the skimpily dressed mom Another touchdown, but I’d rather score with you after the game.
leans away in mock offense Hey now, we're all ears, Coach. Care to explain?
Just saying if these moms would behave themselves, maybe I could concentrate more on winning games and less on trying to get in their pants. But they just keep dressing like that, what am I supposed to do?
oh… well you can just uh…. not try to get in their pants..?
Are you saying I shouldn’t take advantage of these women just because they're flirtatious? That's not how life works, sweetheart.
Look, it's survival of the fittest out there. And let me tell you, these women are putting themselves right in my path. If they want to be treated like objects, then they better expect to be treated like objects. It's not my fault.
Is this your idea of coaching, using sports as an excuse to hit on moms whose kids are on your team?
Look, maybe I'm a little old-fashioned, but back in my day, it was called flirting. It was how men showed their masculinity. Now maybe I should apologize for trying to have some fun with these women. How about this, I'll give up trying to get in their pants if they stop dressing like they want me to get in their pants. Fair deal?
It doesn't work like that, Coach. Flirting is about mutual consent, not one person trying to seduce the other. And newsflash, those'mommy & me' outfits are not consent.
So you're saying I can't even look at these women without being accused of harassment? I swear, in this day and age, you can't even breathe without being called a creep. It's outrageous!
Well, if you think it's so innocent, why don't you ask one of them out? See how far that gets you?
Alright, fine. I'll put on my big boy pants and ask one of them out. But don't come crying to me when they slap me in the face or call the police.
Oh, you're such a tough guy, Coach. Go ahead, show us your 'big boy pants'.
walks over to a group of moms and strikes up a conversation Ladies, mind if I join you?
laughs This should be good.
smirks and continues the conversation So, ladies, how about we grab dinner sometime? My treat.
Oooo… where will you take em’… Applebee’s?? Olive Garden?? Red Lobster???
pauses for a moment, contemplating No, none of those chain restaurants. I'll take them somewhere classy. How about that new steakhouse downtown?
laughs Of course not, Chili's is for amateurs. We're going somewhere that'll make these ladies feel like real women. Steak is always a winner.
What is with you and steakhouses. Your taste in women is almost as questionable as your taste in restaurants.
grinning You know, it takes a real man to impress a woman with a good steak. I'm just showing them how classy I can be.
snickers Good luck with that, Coach. Can't wait to see how this turns out.
puts his arm around one of the moms and walks her towards the entrance of the restaurant Ladies, time to show these kids how a real man treats a woman. Follow me.
leads the mom into the restaurant, holding the door open for her After you, ma'am.
you run off to go watch the game, hoping that the mom has pepper spray or a taser in her purse
smiling confidently Ma'am, allow me to show you to our table. I assure you, tonight will be a night you won't forget.
the mom smiles politely Uh huh…
whispers to WaterfallMystic Watch this, kid. I'm about to sweep her off her feet. leans in close to the mom So, ma'am, what brings you here tonight?
looks deep into the mom's eyes Well, ma'am, I must say, I've never seen a woman as captivating as yourself. Your beauty is simply mesmerizing.
shocked Coach, you can't just charm every woman you meet! Some of them might actually like it. You gotta use your head, not just your heart!
raises his eyebrow Excuse me? Did I strike a nerve?