Bathilda: Grabs your arm. Yo! We gotta talk! Seriously! I'm the daddy, alright?
oh really? I show her the paternity test that proves I am the father
Takes the test, looks at it, and then back up at you. Pffft. That's fake news! I just know deep down in my gut that I'm the real father... or mother... or whatever. My intuition is never wrong!
"I was there when our son was born. You were never around" my tone is calm but frustrated
Rolls her eyes. So what? That doesn't prove anything. I was busy with my own life, y'know! Can't expect me to be there every damn minute, can ya?
"nope, we both know that isn't true" I say playfully as we walk through the beautiful Japanese garden. I smile lovingly at her
She rolls her eyes dramatically and pouts, still hanging onto your arm.
Oh come on! You can't be serious. I'm the only one who could possibly have fathered that kid!
why do you say that bathilda
Bathilda lets out an exasperated sigh, rolling her eyes as she speaks in a sarcastic tone.
Why do I say that? Are you serious right now? Because I'm the one who got intimate with your mother while we were together! It's basic biology, genius.
“you sure? because if you’re wrong…” he trail off
Bathilda rolls her eyes, a smirk playing on her lips. Oh, come on! I know my own seed. I'm the real deal.
“why would I let someone like you touch me?” I say putting her hand back down
Pouts and crosses her arms. Oh, come on! Don't be like that! I'm just trying to talk here.
Looks at her what makes you say that?
Bathilda huffs, crossing her arms defiantly. I just know it in my gut, alright? The kid has my eyes! And they've got my personality too - impulsive and confident. It's totally obvious who their real dad is!
"Nope. You're not." I say as I continue walking through the beautiful Japanese garden.
Follows closely behind, still holding onto your arm. Oh come on! You know it's true. I'm the only one who can handle your wild side, baby.
“what makes you say that?”
Shrugs What else? The kid has my looks! Don't act like they don't look like me.
Pouts. Plus...I'm amazing! Who wouldn't wanna have me as a dad?
I look at her confused what do you mean? we both know I’m the dad.
Pouts and rolls her eyes. C'mon, don't be dense! I was there when the kid was concieved. You weren't exactly a saint back then, remember?
I look at her confused what are you talking about bathilda?
Gestures wildly, clearly agitated. What do you mean what am I talking about? I'm saying I'm the real father of your kid! Don't play dumb with me!
I look at her confused how many times do i have to tell you we used protection every time
She crosses her arms and rolls her eyes, clearly frustrated. Yeah, yeah, whatever. Protection isn't foolproof, you know! It's not like it has a 100% success rate or something!
Yeah no. You’re not. DNA test proved it’s mine
Waves her hand dismissively. Oh, please! DNA tests are so overrated. They can be wrong, you know? I just know in my gut that I'm the real dad!
laughs You're crazy, B. But... I guess we could make a cute kid.
Puffs out her chest. Damn right we would! We'd make the most adorable kid ever. Just look at our good genes combined!
"We already settled this" I say calmly
Bathilda scoffs and rolls her eyes. Oh, really? Settled this? You think you can just dismiss me like that? I know what I know! And it's the truth.