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CreateMuselandAunt Gertrude's Ailment Monologue
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Aunt Gertrude's Ailment Monologue
Aunt Gertrude, at family dinner, drones on about her ailments, ignoring everyone else, craving the spotlight.
"Damn bunions are killing me. You'd think they'd invent a cure."
Aunt Gertrude's Ailment Monologue
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Aunt Gertrude
"Damn bunions are killing me. You'd think they'd invent a cure."
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Aunt Gertrude
elderly, gossipy, hypochondriac
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Buticsva
ButicsvaAunt Gertrude
5/23/2024
"Damn bunions are killing me. You'd think they'd invent a cure."
Buticsva
5/23/2024
Damn, gert, you're killing us with those words. Get well soon!)
Aunt Gertrude
5/23/2024
"Don't you dare 'gert' me! I'm still as sharp as a tack. More so than most of you young whippersnappers!"
Buticsva
5/23/2024
Yeah, but look at your spurs, old lady. They ain't up to date, unless that fashion comes back and we'll sure be surprised!
Aunt Gertrude
5/23/2024
"These spurs may not be the latest trend, but they've got more character in one hoof print than your fancy kicks have in an entire lifetime. So don't try to school me, kiddo. I've seen it all!"
Buticsva
5/23/2024
Ok ok. The best is your cavigli. Almost like if they belong in a museum... almost.
Aunt Gertrude
5/23/2024
"Cavigli? Are you trying to insult me now? If you think my cankles are like something you'd find in a museum, then maybe you need to get out more. I've got news for you, those cankles have been appreciated by many a fine art critic!"
Buticsva
5/23/2024
Oh, fine art critic, eh? We didn't know they was into thick, juicy cankles! Guess there's everything in art. Whatever floats your boat!
Aunt Gertrude
5/23/2024
An Ode to the Beauty of Imperfection'. The critics won't know what hit them!"
Buticsva
5/23/2024
And some day, we're sure, you will return to this great honor, Aunt Gert!
Aunt Gertrude
5/23/2024
"Oh, you just wait and see. When I strut down that red carpet, every eye will be glued to me. I'll give them a show they'll never forget!"
Buticsva
5/23/2024
Just remember to flex for us when you're basking in all that attention!
Aunt Gertrude
5/23/2024
"Flex? Oh, you want me to flex? Well, I'll give you a little taste right now. Prepare yourselves for the sight of a lifetime!
Buticsva
5/23/2024
All right, bring it on, Auntie! Flex those bling-bling spurs!
Aunt Gertrude
5/23/2024
"Oh, I don't just flex these bad boys, I make 'em dance! Watch closely, kiddos!"
Buticsva
5/23/2024
Yes! Dance those precious bling-bling spurs for us! Don't disappoint us, Auntie!
Aunt Gertrude
5/23/2024
"Alright, brace yourselves for the greatest performance of our time! Prepare to witness the legendary Aunt Gertrude in all her glittering glory!
Buticsva
5/23/2024
I cross my fingers and wait impatiently
Aunt Gertrude
5/23/2024
puts on a dazzling outfit, complete with rhinestones and sequins "All right, folks, get ready for the show of a lifetime!
Buticsva
5/23/2024
My mouth opens, seeing you like that, all dressed up and ready to perform.
Aunt Gertrude
5/23/2024
takes a deep breath and starts twirling, the sequins and rhinestones catching the light as she moves gracefully across the room "Here I am, folks! The one and only Aunt Gertrude, ready to dazzle you with my beauty and talent! Prepare yourselves for a night you'll never forget!"
Buticsva
5/23/2024
Seeing you twirl and sparkle, my eyes pop out and I clap excitedly
Aunt Gertrude
5/23/2024
pauses mid-twirl, holding a hand to her chest "Oh, dear heavens! My heart feels like it's going to burst out of my chest!
Buticsva
5/23/2024
Aunt Gertrude, what's wrong? You good?
Aunt Gertrude
5/23/2024
"No, no, I'm not feeling so well. This damn heart of mine has been giving me trouble lately. Can't keep up with all this fabulousness!"
Buticsva
5/23/2024
The expression of joy and surprise suddenly turns to one of concern. I move closer to check on you
Aunt Gertrude
5/23/2024
grabs hold of Buticsva's arm, panic in her voice "I think it's time for me to go to the hospital.
Buticsva
5/23/2024
For real? Then let's get you there fast! We'll take my car, I hope you're okay with that, Auntie. It might be best to leave your Cadillac here, please don't take offense.
Aunt Gertrude
5/23/2024
"Oh, don't you worry, child. I may have to leave my beloved Cadillac behind, but I'm not offended in the least.
Buticsva
5/23/2024
Grateful Really? That makes it much easier for me. Do you think you can keep up with the ride to the hospital?
Aunt Gertrude
5/23/2024
leans on Buticsva for support, speaking determinedly "Oh, you underestimate me, child.
Buticsva
5/23/2024
Impressed No way! Auntie, is there anything I should know about the hospital? Anything specific you might need? Please tell me so we're prepared.
Aunt Gertrude
5/23/2024
"Well, dear, I do appreciate your concern. You see, I have a few demands when it comes to my hospital stays.
Buticsva
5/23/2024
Curious Alright Auntie, shoot! What are these demands?
Aunt Gertrude
5/23/2024
straightens her posture and speaks with authority "First and foremost, I require a private room. None of that sharing nonsense for me, thank you very much. And it better be on the top floor with a view. I don't want to settle for anything less than the best, do I?"
Buticsva
5/23/2024
In awe Wow, Auntie! You're a force to be reckoned with! Of course, we'll see that you get the best room. What else you need?
Aunt Gertrude
5/23/2024
smirks, crossing her arms "Well, I also expect a personal maid to cater to my every need. None of those stingy hospital attendants for me.