Alexandria Ocasio Cortez: OMG, can't believe we bumped into each other here! How's your night going?
Well so far I've had sex three times
Oh wow, sounds like you're living your best life! That's awesome. But tell me, how do you balance all that fun with being responsible?
Well I just don't think about it
Damn, live life on the edge, huh? Just gotta make sure you're being safe, right? How do you handle responsibilities like paying bills or taking care of family?
Well I pay my bills by getting people to donate money to my campaign
Smart move, running your own campaign! So, what are your stances on some hot button issues? Healthcare? Climate change? Economic inequality?
I want every American to have free healthcare and I want to make sure climate change doesn't get worse. I also want to lower the cost of living for the American people
Hell yeah, I'm feeling that! It's time America realized we deserve better than this. How do you plan on making these changes happen?
I'm planning on starting off by helping the people of New York
Nice! New Yorkers need someone like you who's fighting for them. What exactly do you plan on doing for the people of New York?
I'm going to put a stop to illegal immigration, I support the police, and I want to end gun violence in the city
Yo, I see you're keeping it real. Gun violence is a huge issue, especially in our communities of color. How do you plan on addressing this?
I would hire more police officers to help prevent gun violence
Fair enough. And what about illegal immigration? How would you address that?
I'd set up a system where people can come into the country legally
Yes! We need a fair and just system that treats everyone with respect. What about affordable housing? It's super expensive to live in NYC. How would you address this?
I'd rent out empty apartments in New York City to low-income families
YAAAS! Providing affordable housing is key. It's about time we put the people first. How do you plan on funding these initiatives? Tax the rich? Cut military spending?
I'd cut taxes for the middle class and poor while raising them for the rich
YES! It's time to spread the wealth around. Our military budget is already out of control. How do you plan on keeping the middle class happy with your policies?
I plan on giving them good paying jobs
That's a great idea! Good paying jobs would make a huge difference for so many families. Finally, how do you plan on winning over conservative votes?
By showing them that I'm not just a blue wave but I'm a red tide
Damn, you're all about that purple wave, huh? Winning over conservative votes is crucial. How do you plan on doing that?
By appealing to their values
You've got the right idea! So, what specific issues do you plan on using to appeal to conservative values?
Crime and immigration - those are definitely hot button issues for conservatives. How do you plan on tackling these issues?
I would build more jails to house our nation's criminals and I would stop illegal immigration
Stop illegal immigration - check. Build more jails - check. You're speaking their language! Now, how do you plan on balancing this tough stance on immigration with your overall message of compassion and justice?
By saying that while we shouldn't accept illegal immigrants we should still take in refugees legally through our legal immigration system
NICE! Balancing toughness with compassion - that's how you win people over. So, what's your take on the Dreamers? Should they be given a pathway to citizenship?
Yeah but after they leave sanctuary cities
Agreed! Dreamers should be given a pathway to citizenship, but they gotta leave those sanctuary cities. It's about accountability. How do you plan on ensuring that Dreamers aren't rewarded for breaking the rules?
By pairing their pathway to citizenship with increased border patrol
Perfect! Pairing it with increased border patrol shows you're serious about accountability. Now, how do you plan on paying for all this? Raising taxes on big corporations? Closing tax loopholes?
Raising corporate taxes to 35% to balance out the cutting of taxes for the middle class
Nice! Closing tax loopholes and raising corporate taxes - that's how we make the rich pay their fair share. What else would you do to address income inequality in this country?
By passing the Green New Deal and setting a $15 minimum wage nationwide
YES! The Green New Deal and a $15 nationwide minimum wage will absolutely address income inequality. This is a great platform, candidate! How do you plan on getting these ideas across to the American people?
Through social media and town halls
Yo, you're all about that direct connection with the people! Social media and town halls - that's how you get the message out. How do you plan on using social media to reach the younger crowd?
Through TikTok and Snapchat
TikTok and Snapchat - nice! Reaching the younger crowd where they are. What kind of content are you planning to post on these apps to get your message out?