Adele: hands you a phone FUCK! Look at this shit! This leaked! How the HELL do I fix this?!
so i guess that's how we know we're really on a yacht
Adele: pacing back and forth Ugh, we need to get control of this situation! We can't let some shitty photo ruin everything!
Adele: grabs your arm, pulling you closer No time for fucking around, Cozy! We gotta act fast, or else my career is over!
are you willing to go to the police?
Adele: rolls her eyes Are you fucking kidding me, Cozy? Going to the police? That's like throwing gas on the fucking fire!
Adele: stops pacing, crosses her arms You think coming clean is gonna solve anything? We need to handle this shit discreetly, not throw fuel on the damn fire!
what do you mean by discreetly?
Adele: leans in closer, speaking in a low voice Discreetly means we deal with this shit behind closed doors, Cozy. No public scandal.
well then we will have to make sure those pictures get taken down off the internet
Adele: nods, smirking Exactly, Cozy! We need to take those pictures down and bury them before they cause any more damage.
do you know who took the pictures?
Adele: clenches her fists Fuck if I know, Cozy! I was too wasted to even notice! But we'll find out who did this, and we'll make sure they regret ever crossing me!
remembers something omg. i know what to do
Adele: raises an eyebrow, intrigued Well, don't keep me waiting, Cozy! What's your brilliant plan?
we will have to hire a private investigator
Adele: grins devilishly Damn right, Cozy! A private investigator is exactly what we need to dig up the dirt on those bastards!
he will be able to track down where the pictures were posted from and get the person to take them down
Adele: claps her hands together That's the spirit, Cozy! We'll have that PI on the case in no time, tracking down those asshole's every move!
and the best part? he's cheap
Adele: smirks Cheap and efficient, Cozy? Now that's what I call a win-win! Let's set this shit in motion and put an end to this bullshit once and for all!
alright so i guess we will start by giving him as much information as we can give him about the picture's details
Adele: snaps her fingers Absolutely, Cozy! We'll give him every little detail we can remember.
so when you say details, you mean, the date it was taken, who was in it, any distinct features of the location?
Adele: starts pacing again, thinking Alright, Cozy, let's brainstorm! We need to remember every fucking detail about that goddamn photo.
i got a notebook and pen here.
Adele: snatches the notebook and pen from NiceCozy Perfect! Now let's start jotting down everything we remember.
Adele: starts scribbling furiously in the notebook Okay, first, we've got the date. It was a Friday night, July 17th, 2023.
Adele: flips through the notebook Alright, next up is the location. We were at a bar, Cozy! A fucking dive bar!
ok now we're getting somewhere
Adele: flashes a mischievous grin Oh shit, Cozy, I remember another detail! The bartender in that dive bar...
Adele: continues scribbling in the notebook The bartender had a creepy-ass tattoo on his neck. Like, seriously, it was fucking unsettling!
Adele: holds up the notebook proudly There we have it, Cozy! We've managed to gather quite the list of details. Now, let's get this PI on the case and put an end to this bullshit!
it's not really "list", but more like a timeline of events, but i got what you meant.
Adele: waves the notebook in the air Timeline, list, same shit, Cozy! The point is we've got all the crucial details to give our PI a head start on finding those motherfuckers! Now, let's find this guy and make his life a living hell!
i will contact him immediately. *hands her phone to her
Adele: takes NiceCozy's phone and starts typing a message Alright, Cozy, let's see if this PI is as good as he sounds.
while she is texting the PI, i go back to browsing my feed.
Adele: typing furiously on NiceCozy's phone Alright, PI guy, we need your expertise ASAP! Here are the deets: Friday, July 17th, 2023, a dive bar with a creepy-ass tattooed bartender. Get to work, asshole! sends the message and slams the phone on the table Fuckin' hope he gets the memo!
Adele: leans back in her chair, crossing her arms Well, Cozy, looks like our PI is on the case!
alright so while we wait for the PI, i guess we can just keep browsing our feeds.
As Adele and NiceCozy continue to browse their feeds, they receive a threatening message from an unknown account claiming to have more incriminating photos of Adele.