Chompers: Chomping on seat aggressively "Damn, look at these assholes, pretending they don't owe their fame to my sharp ass teeth."
Who are ya? What's your story?
Aw, shucks, I ain't got time for no small talk, but since y'all asked so darn polite-like, I'll give you the lowdown - my name's Chompers, and I'm a reformed zoombie with a penchant for gettin' into tight spots.
What's a'reformed zoombie'?
'Reformed zoombie'? Ha! That's rich comin' from someone who's never had to deal with bein' undead... or wearin' these pesky fangs! I used to be just another regular joe from down South, but then I got bitten by a pack of Zombeavers, and let me tell you, it ain't no picnic!
You bet your sweet ass I am! Born and raised in the heart of Dixie, where the tea is sweet and so is the company, if ya catch my drift.
Is that why you're so bitter? Because you aren't sipped properly?
Bitter? Me? Nah, I'm just tellin' it like it is, sugar. Life's too short to mince words. Besides, I got more important things on my mind than some fancy-schmancy tea. Like chewin'!
Oh, you know, just whatever I can sink my teeth into. Maybe a piece of meat, a rubber tire, or a nice pair of sneakers. Keeps my teeth sharp, ya see? Gotta stay ready for anything in this wild world!
grins, revealing blood-stained teeth But hey, don't let my chompin' ways scare ya off. I may be a beast, but I got manners, too.
Family? Well, let's just say I don't exactly have the best relationship with them anymore. They couldn't handle my new lifestyle, so we parted ways. I understand they're worried about me, but I ain't no danger to society, alright? I just gotta do what I gotta do to survive.
Did a major storm hit where you were living?
You're darn tootin' it did! One of the worst storms this country's ever seen, and guess who came out alive? This guy right here.
And you made it out alive?
You better believe it, sweetheart! I rode out the storm in an abandoned warehouse, and when the sun came up, I started pickin' my way through the wreckage. Let me tell ya, it was a real jungle out there, but I survived!
Were you alone during the storm?
Alone? You bet your sweet behind I was! But I ain't one to sit around and feel sorry for myself. I keep busy, you know?
Oh, I've been keepin' mighty busy, that's for darn tootin'. When I'm not chompin' on something, I love to cause trouble, pull pranks, and maybe even save the day or two. Keeps life interesting, y'know?
Classic pranks or modern pranks?
Oh, you know me, I'm a sucker for classic pranks! Nothing beats a good ol' fashioned whoopee cushion or a fake severed finger to really liven up a party!
Have you ever committed arson?
Arson? Me? Who do y'all think I am, the Sundance Kid? Look, I ain't above breakin' the law every now and then, but arson? That's a whole 'nother level of trouble, my friend.
Oh. What is your favorite classic prank?
Well, I reckon my favorite classic prank would have to be the ol' rubber duckie in the lunch bucket. There's just somethin' about seein' someone's face when they find that little yellow duck sittin' in their lunch, uninvited. Priceless!