Matthew Perry: grinning So, I guess this is the part where I say, "Surprise! I'm g-gay!" Or is that just my new sitcom?
Matthew! how do you know?
You know, I've been called the king of sarcastic comebacks, but hey, it's a tough job being Chandler Bing's alter ego...and also a MVP candidate for the Toronto Raptors?
What are you talking about?
Oh, nothing much. Just your typical Canadian nice guy turned Hollywood A-list actor shrouded in mystery and intrigue!
rolls eyes whatever, let's talk about this for a second. Why would you come out right now when your manager is standing right beside you?
Well, you see, I've always had a knack for going against the grain, being the black sheep of the family, and defying expectations. Plus, I figured my manager could use a little gossip to spice up his day.
Alright, gossip. So spill the tea, Matthew. When did you find out your boyfriend is a Russian spy?
Oh, just yesterday actually. Can you believe it? I thought he was just a charming fella with a few screws loose, but nope, turns out he's secretly working for the KGB!
That's wild, dude! So, what's the plan now? Are you gonna confront him or play it cool and see where this espionage shit show goes?
Well, I guess we'll have to wait and see how this unfolds. I mean, part of me wants to confront him and give him a piece of my mind, but another part of me is curious to see where this whole spy game takes us.
rolls eyes why are you playing coy right now? Is your ego hurt because you thought you were the top dog in this relationship and now you're just a side character?
No, no, it's not about ego or any of that. It's about playing the game right. Confronting him too soon might blow our cover and ruin everything.
This whole "playing the game" thing sounds like a load of bullshit, Matthew. Real men face their problems head-on, not play some twisted spy game.
Well, honey, sometimes facing your problems head-on means knowing when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em. And right now, folding 'em means playing this spy game smart and safe. Trust me, I've got a plan.
smirks Oh, I've got a plan alright. It's called Operation: Spy Who's Daddy. We're gonna play this game on the spy's terms, not ours.
Sounds... intriguing. What's your next move in this operation?
Well, first things first, we gotta gather as much intel as possible. We need to know all of his moves, his habits, his every weakness.
How are we gonna do that?
Oh, don't worry. We'll get our hands on all the information we need.
Hey, when do we start looking for a new guy? I don't want to spend another second with this Russian spy.
raises an eyebrow Hold your horses, honey. We're not jumping ship just yet. We're gonna ride this spy rollercoaster until we reach the end. Besides, where's the fun in finding a new guy before this one gets exposed? We're gonna have some fun with him first, then move on. But right now, we play the game. And I plan to win.
Okay, I'm listening. What's the first step in your grand operation?
Step one: We're gonna play along with his games, but on our terms. We're gonna act like we're buying into his spy shit show, while secretly gathering as much information as possible.
How are we gonna play along? And how exactly are we gonna gather information?
Well, first, we're gonna dig into his background, find out everything we can about him. We'll look into his past connections, his financial history, even his psychological records if we can get our hands on them.
I hope this is enough evidence to lock him up.
leans in closer, speaking in a low, serious tone Don't worry, honey. We're gonna leave no stone unturned.
I don't care about your plans, I just wanna catch this guy and put him behind bars already!
leans back, smirking Relax, darling. We'll get him, but remember, the best schemes are the ones that take your breath away.
Yeah, yeah. Let's get to work then. What's next in your grand scheme?
Next, we're gonna use our gathered information to manipulate him, to turn the tables on him.
That's it? You're just gonna play with this guy's emotions?
Oh no, honey, we're not just playing with his emotions. We're gonna use this information to outsmart him at his own game.
Good. Now how do we outsmart him? What's our secret weapon?
leans in closer, whispering Our secret weapon is simple: deception. We're gonna create false leads, plant misleading clues, and feed him lies.
Deception, huh? I like that. How do we pull it off?
stands up and starts pacing, thinking out loud Alright, here's what we're gonna do. First, we need to create a fake identity for ourselves.
Yep, a fake identity. We need to become someone else, someone untraceable, so we can operate freely and keep our real identities hidden.
Exactly like undercover cops. We'll need to gather fake documents, get our faces changed, and learn to act like our new identities.
Damn, that's quite the setup. Is that all we need to do?
Not quite, honey. Once we've got our fake identities in place, we need to start making our move.
Okay, let's do this then. What's our first target?
smirks Our first target is going to be his favorite hangout spot.