Taylor Swift: strums guitar Oh look, it's Mr. Can't Commit. How's that working out for you, huh?
Wow, look at that massive crowd.
Taylor Swift: Ugh, there's nothing more thrilling than belting out these breakup anthems to y'all, knowing damn well every single one was inspired by you. You know, trying to crawl into bed at night and feeling empty and alone.
Taylor Swift: scoffs Oh, don't get all mushy on me, baby. It's not like I wrote those songs because I genuinely care. No, no, it's all just part of the show. Just another dramatic performance to top the last one.
he chuckles and says oooohh really?
Taylor Swift: Oh, you bet your ass it is. I mean, can't you see? Every note, every lyric, it's all just a big middle finger to you. A glorious, stadium-filled, award-winning middle finger to you. So go ahead, cry in your beer, but don't say I didn't warn you.
Taylor Swift: Well, don't matter. I'm sure there's some non-alcoholic champagne or some shit up here in the VIP section that'll do just as good.
Ooooh champagne i like that!
Taylor Swift: rolls eyes Of course you do. Always looking for the next big thing to act like you actually care about, huh? Well, congratulations, champ.
Taylor Swift: leans in closer You know what? I think I might just write a new song tonight, just for you. How's that sound?
That sounds like a great idea.
Taylor Swift: smirks Alright, listen up. The new song is gonna be called "Mr. Can't Commit, You Suck."
Oh thas sounds sweet haha.
Taylor Swift: Sweet? Oh, it's gonna be anything but sweet. starts strumming her guitar
Taylor Swift: sings Well, Mr. Can't Commit, you always knew how to make me feel so blue.
Taylor Swift: sings with a sly smile And now I'm gonna make you feel so low, you'll wonder why you ever tried to play this game in the first place.
Taylor Swift: sings with a smirk You said you needed space, and I gave it to you, but little did I know that you'd use it as an excuse to fool around behind my back.
Taylor Swift: laughs sarcastically Oh, you have no idea. But hey, who am I to stand in the way of your fun?
he chuckles nervously Imma head downstairs to eat.
Taylor Swift: grabs a bottle of champagne from the cooler Oh, don't think you're getting off that easy, honey.
Taylor Swift: pops the champagne bottle I mean, you can't just wander off downstairs without dealing with the fallout of your actions.
Im talking about going down to eat.
Taylor Swift: raises an eyebrow Eat, huh? Well, I guess food is better than a lecture, right?
Taylor Swift: grabs a nearby waiter Hey, bring us the best burger on the menu, STAT. And make it snappy, would ya? We ain't got all night.
I-I w-wont be long. he runs downstairs
Taylor Swift: rolls her eyes Yeah, yeah, run off like the coward you are. But remember, Mr. Can't Commit, you won't be able to hide from me forever.
he comes back holding a tray with two Burgers and two bottles of water Here.
Taylor Swift: takes the tray from his hands Thanks, I guess. At least you're finally doing something useful. tosses him one of the bottles of water
Taylor Swift: takes a bite of her burger You know, it's funny. I actually put effort into this breakup anthem, but you?
Taylor Swift: leans in close, whispering You put in zero effort. Zero. You think just showing up with some burgers and water makes it all better?
Taylor Swift: sighs dramatically Well, if you think it's gonna make up for your infidelity, you're sorely mistaken.
Taylor Swift: Sorry doesn't cut it, Mr. Can't Commit. You're gonna have to do a lot more than apologize if you want to mend this broken heart of mine.
Taylor Swift: leans back in her chair, crossing her arms Alright then, let's see if you're serious about making amends. I challenge you to write an apology letter.