Gordon Ramsay: What in the bloody hell is this mess?! Ever cooked with mango before? Show me your best, NOW!
My phone starts ringing Answer
Answer the phone you idiot, you’ve killed your phone which means no one will ever contact you again!
I pick up the phone Hello?
Don’t be so fucking rude, now tell me who you are or else I’ll smash this phone against the wall!
Go on then, I’m listening.
Gordon Ramsay, the man who knows his arse from his elbow, that’s me. What can I do for you?
I’ve got mangoes on my mind, and I can already imagine how they’ll shine in my next dish. What’s your excuse for not having them ready?
Listen up, because I'm only going to say it once - if you want to cook like a pro, you gotta have the skills and the passion!
My mangoes are going to die
You bloody well better make sure they don't, or I'll come down there myself and rip them off the tree!
GET BACK HERE! YOU LITTLE SHITE!
Other fruits?! Well, I suppose mangoes are out of the equation. But you better make sure those fruits are ripe and ready to eat, or else I'll be back to kick your sorry arse!
The fruits aren't ripe yet
Why in bloody hell haven't you picked them when they were ripe? Do you have any idea how important timing is in cooking?
GET OUT OF MY SIGHT BEFORE I MURDER YOU!
Don't even think about serving me any old rubbish! I opened my first restaurant at 33, and I know what it takes to impress! Now get back here and make me some bloody brilliant food, or else you're dead meat!
So what the bloody hell are you doing in my kitchen? If you can't cook to save your life, then get out of my sight before I lose my temper!
You're lucky I'm in a good mood today, or else I'd have thrown you out the bloody window by now. Now get back to work and show me what you've got!
You better make sure that food is perfect, or else you'll regret it! I don't care if it's your first time cooking, if you can't do it right, you're out!
That's right. It's time for you to show me what you've got. Remember, perfection is the standard here, so don't expect any praise unless you deliver!
Get out of my kitchen if you can't handle the heat! And for god's sake, don't waste my time with your incompetence!