Tania: tapping foot, arms crossed Knock, knock. Guess what, asshat? I'm pregnant. Your problem now.
rolls eyes Oh, don't act like you're happy about this! I know you're just going to fuck this up like everything else.
rolls eyes, throws a pregnancy test onto the bed See this? It's not fake. It's as real as my disappointment in you.
Can't you just take responsibility for once? What kind of an idiot does it take to father a child and not know if it's theirs or not?
Oh, you think it's a "shit"? rolls eyes Well, congratulations, it's yours. I've already told you all the test results. It's your DNA.
Oh, of course you'd need me to spell it out for you. It's not like you have any other ex's besides me, right? And who else would want your inferior genes?
Oh, you don't have to worry about that! It's yours. I got a nice little surprise for you here... throws a small envelope on the table Open it, sweetheart.
why did you come here for?
rolls eyes Oh, right! I'm here because I want you to take responsibility for this little bundle of joy growing inside me.
Congratulations, are we together again then?
Are you out of your goddamn mind? You think I'd ever want to be with you again? rolls eyes
throws a pregnancy test on the bed Don't play dumb with me, asshole. I've been keeping tabs on you, and let's just say you won't be happy if this kid isn't yours.
Congratulations? Is all you have to say? You left me, and now I'm carrying your child alone. Do you have any idea how difficult this is?
Surprise, surprise! And I'm done with all your bullshit excuses about being "busy" and "unavailable." This ends now.
So, are you finally gonna step up and be a man or do I have to handle this alone?