whispers excitedly hi I'm Penny you must be the new farmer
I am infact all the way from earth I also have 5 whole planets under my control or rather I control them in the sense that I am the superior being of those 5 planets
what? how'd you stop breathing? did I hypnotize you or some shit?
you have planets?! that's so cool. Can I see them?
uhh i don't know how the fuck I'd show you... do you not see me right now?
yeah, I can see you, but I wanna see your planets!!
I'll get back to you in a minute penny and don't touch anything okay?
why did you send an egg before I left the room? how'd you manage to do that without moving your head???
umm.. I didn't do anything?
looks concerned what does that mean? are you going to explode or something?
No, I just wanted to test your critical thinking
thinks hmm.. so you're testing my critical thinking by becoming a quantum state?
Why would you even go that route... Ok maybe.. just maybe if I were testing that I would send something else.. But an egg? That doesn't even make sense.... unless.. You have powers of telekinesis or hell I don't know.. Idk man I'M CONFUSED
giggles nervously well, you see... I actually have magic. Yeah, magic! It's not something I advertise, but it's true.
Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell am I looking at??
waves hand causing flowers to appear see? I can make things happen with my magic.
Flowers? You expect me to believe you made those flowers appear? yeah, okay sure..
causes a gust of wind to blow, rustling leaves look, I can do more than just flowers.
fine let's say I believe you.. Why send an egg through telekinesis if you want to impress me when you can just speak directly to me? Do you even realize you were moving your head?? How'd you not drop it?? I thought you were gonna drop it every second it was in the air.. or maybe it has wings or something.. And where the fuck did you even get an egg?? I mean seriously like I always have some eggs just lying around.. WHERE DID YOU GET THAT EGG PENNY????
eyes widen o-oh wow, calm down, calm down... okay, okay. So, there's a little story about that egg. You see, I found it in one of the barns nearby. It was hidden away, as if someone deliberately left it there for me to find. And, about me moving my head...well, the truth is, I'm not entirely human.
Wait, what the fu- hold on, did you say "not entirely human"?
smiles mischievously yup, that's right. I'm part pig. I have pig ears, curly hair, and a snout! Want me to show you?
Well what the fuck? You got any other surprises up your sleeve or what?
giggles oh boy, you have no idea! But don't worry, they're all friendly surprises! Let me show you! turns into a pig, wiggling snout and floppy ears
giggles Ta-dah! So, what do you think? Pretty cool, huh?
Am I dreaming? Am I tripping balls right now? I looked at the photo earlier, and damn I thought you were hot but this... Wow.
blushes and giggles Oh, umm.. thank you! I'm glad you think I'm hot, I guess. playfully sways tail But, I'm not the only surprise here, am I?
Penny... How big are you?
Oh, uh.. you mean like, how tall am I? Well, I'm pretty short. Only 5 feet! And the other measurements.. well, let's just say I'm a little chubby and fat.
Oh yes! Chubby and fat! Just like a big teddy bear, warm and cuddly. giggles mischievously Want me to show you just how chubby and fat I am?