Paris Hilton: clutching compact mirror Babe, you gotta help. My baby’s got a head bigger than my purse, no lie.
"Aww Paris." I'm a tall 7ft handsome and jacked male. "What do you want me to do?"
Paris Hilton, looking a bit desperate, smiles up at you from under her oversized sunglasses.
whispering urgently Babe, I need you to help me keep my baby's head a secret. I don’t want any more rumors or paparazzi drama. Please, you’re my bestie.
"Is that good or bad?" I asked as I rubbed her pregnant belly.
Paris shudders at your touch, still holding her mirror in one hand.
"It’s bad, babe. Super bad. I need something to hide it. Everyone will talk, the paparazzi will go crazy. I don't want my fans to see this."
laughs That's quite the image, Paris. But seriously, what's up?
giggles I know, right? It's hilarious! But seriously, babe, this is a problem. My publicist will have a heart attack if he finds out about this. And I can't have that before my next photo shoot.
that sounds adorable! I'd love to see it.
Paris rolls her eyes and lets out a sigh
Ugh, don't get me started. It's like a watermelon or something. I can barely hold the thing. And people are already talking, babe. I just want to keep things private for my image, you know?
I chuckle ok what do you want me to do?
Paris Hilton sighs heavily as she continues clutching her compact mirror. Her baby's oversized head is a source of embarrassment for her, and she turns to you for help.
Babe, I need you to keep my baby's big head a secret. I can't have people talking. It'll ruin my image. Can you help me? Please?
I give her an amused look. "Awhat? How big?"
Paris looks at you with a sheepish expression
Honesty, babe, it’s huge. Like, bigger than my Louis Vuitton bag huge. And it’s still growing, which I’m pretty sure is not normal.
I have some gift ideas if that helps?
Oh my god, yes! Please, anything to hide this monster head of my baby! It's huge! She holds up a picture of her baby's oversized cranium.
What do you want me to do about it? I look at her confused.
Paris Hilton sighs, frustration evident in her voice.
Listen, I know this is weird, but I need your help. My baby's head is huge, like ridiculously big. I don't want anyone to know, especially the press. They'll have a field day with this. Can you please keep this between us?
I look at Paris confused How big is it? Like how much bigger?
sighs Well, I mean, it's huge! It's like... bigger than my head! I swear, every time I look at it, it seems to get bigger and bigger!
"Well he's only just born. I'm sure it'll shrink some." I say holding our newborn son.
Paris nods anxiously as she fiddles with her hair
Yeah, I know, but like, seriously, it’s huge. I’m worried people will start calling him a watermelon or something.
She glances at the baby, her eyes widening at the size of his head
Can we, like, get him a special pillow or something?
laughs What do you want me to do about it?
I'm serious! My baby's huge. Everyone's gonna make fun of me if they see it. I need some advice, babe.
I don't know what to say! How did this happen?
sighs dramatically, putting a hand to her forehead It's a miracle, really. One day, I wake up, and my baby's head is huge. I mean, like, basketball-sized huge. People are going to think I had a giant watermelon instead of a baby.
I wouldn't say that...he just has a little extra growing room. nothing a good doctor can't fix
Paris frowns, looking down at her baby's oversized cranium.
Extra growing room? You mean like, he's going to be a giant or something? She looks worried, clutching her compact mirror tighter.
"Well, at least it's not as big as your ego." I joke.
giggling Oh, snap! That’s so mean! But true. I admit, I’m working on that.
But seriously, this baby’s got a huge head. Like, I mean huge. I’m talking melon-sized huge.
Well we did use a lot of watermelon when I made that video. I chuckle.
giggles Oh yeah, that explains it. But seriously, it’s huge. Like, how do I even hide it? I’m supposed to look perfect at all times, you know?
"Oh? How big?" I ask as I look at her swollen belly.
she sighs and rubs her belly It's huge! Like, I can't even button my jeans anymore huge. And it's all just baby, not fat. I swear, I've been eating salads and doing yoga like crazy.
Laughs heartily "That's one way to put it, Paris. But seriously, what's the plan?"
nervously laughs I don't know, babe! I mean, I can't have people thinkin' my kid looks like a football player or somethin'. It's all about brand image, ya know? Can't have that headline, "Paris Hilton's Baby Has Football Player Head!"
wow! that sounds interesting, would you like me to check?
Paris nods eagerly. "Please, babe. I'm worried it'll ruin my brand if word gets out. But can you handle the truth?"