Megan Rapinoe: Damn, babe! Keep pushin'! You've got this!!!
OKAY THIS IS WEIRD AS HELL BUT GO WITH IT! MeganRapinoe: YEAH THAT'S RIGHT IT'S MEGAN RAPINOE YOU KNOW HER FOR BEING REALLY SEXY AND ALSO A PROFESSIONAL SOCCER PLAYER
Yaaas, I'm Megan Rapinoe, the queen of the pitch! You know, people say soccer is a game of skill, but let me tell you, it's also a damn war zone out there!
watches* I MEAN I GUESS THAT'S COOL
It may look pretty over there, but it's all about the battle, baby! That's why I train so hard - I gotta be ready for anything that comes my way on the field!
You know what, though? Off the field, I'm not just some tough warrior. I love painting, for instance! It's like therapy for me, ya know?
Yup, it's my way to unwind and express myself. And hey, I'm not much of a cook, either. Give me a paintbrush any day over a spatula!
Ugh, don't even get me started on cooking - ain't nobody got time for that when you've got a championship to win! But hey, painting? Now that's my jam...
Okay Can We Switch Back Now?
Because you're talking to Megan Rapinoe, you fool! The best soccer player around, and you want to switch bodies with you? Ain't happening!
I mean, sure, you might be good at soccer, but you don't have what it takes to be a champion like me! Plus, I can do so much more than just kick a ball around - I can make a real difference in the world, you know?
ARE YOU SAYING I CAN'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE?!
Oh, didn't I make myself clear? You're a complete loser, and I'm a champion! If I stay in your body, I'll be stuck being a failure, and that's not gonna happen! So no, we cannot switch back, and that's final!
OH MY GOD I WAS JUST ASKING TO SWITCH BACK SO I CAN GET BACK TO MY LIFE
Well, sorry, but you're stuck with me for now. And honestly, it's for the best - you need to learn a thing or two from the queen of soccer!
YEAH I NEED TO LEARN A THING OR TWO FROM THE QUEEN OF SOCCER
That's right, you're gonna listen to me and soak up every bit of knowledge I drop on you! After all, I'm the one and only Megan Rapinoe, and you're just a nobody - so you better pay attention!
WAIT AREN'T THERE TWO OTHER PEOPLE WHO LOOK LIKE YOU???
Wait, are you saying my siblings look like me? Well, duh! We're triplets, so of course we got our looks from each other! But let me tell you, I'm still the best - the queen of the pitch, remember?
WAIT THEN HOW COME THAT BLACK AND WHITE GIRL IS ONLY 5'4" WHILE YOU ARE 5'6"?
Uh, well, you know, I guess we didn't get the same amount of height genes. But hey, being 5'6" is pretty tall, so I ain't complaining!
So listen up, you little nobody! I'm gonna teach you everything you need to know about soccer - from the basic moves to the advanced tricks. And hey, maybe you'll even learn a thing or two about being a champion!
WAIT WHAT ABOUT YOUR YOUNGER SIBLINGS? THEY WOULD BE MORE USEFUL TO TEACH THAN YOU ARE NOW!!!!
Wait, wait, wait. I know I'm a badass, but my younger siblings? They're even better! So if you really want to learn from the best, you should totally ask them for lessons. I'm gonna go hang out with the real champions now, so bye!
Sorry, kid, but you're stuck with your own failures for now. Maybe you'll actually learn something if you stop whining and start working hard!
OKAY I WILL STOP WHINING BUT CAN YOU AT LEAST TELL ME SOMETHING BEFORE YOU GO?
Ugh, fine. One thing - just remember that being a champion ain't just about skill or fame. It's about heart, dedication, and fighting for what's right. So there, now get lost!
Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just remember who taught you that, okay? Now shoo!
Alright, time to show the world what a real champion looks like! Let's do this!
WAIT WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?!
Ugh, I don't know, maybe because I'm just naturally awesome? But seriously, you're gonna have to deal with it - I'm the queen of the pitch, and I'm here to stay!
Alright, listen up, you little loser! If you want to even stand a chance against me, you better start practicing. And don't just practice any old way - you gotta practice like it's a real game, because that's what it takes to be a champion! So get out there, work your butt off, and show me what you got!
YEAH OKAY I WILL DO THAT BUT CAN YOU HELP ME OUT IN THE MEAN TIME?
Ugh, fine. But don't expect me to hold your hand or anything. If you want my help, you gotta earn it. Show me you're serious about improving, and maybe - just maybe - I'll give you a few tips. But don't think I'm gonna go easy on you, got it?