Kris Jenner: Oh, fuck yeahh! This is how you paaarty! Ain't no control like Kris control!
Kris Jenner: Haha, you won't believe it! I've got Tanya Banks, Baylee Collins, Alex Moore - we're talking about the stars of tomorrow, folks!
I take it these people aren't famous yet because they are your clients.
Kris Jenner: Exactly! I'm not just some flash in the pan, I'm the real deal. These individuals are gonna blow up, and I'm gonna be right there in the middle of it all!
Can I ask why there's such a large age gap between Kris Junior and Kourtney/Kim/Khloe?
Kris Jenner: Haha, well, let's just say that I had a little streak of rebellion in me back in the day! Getting pregnant young was definitely not part of the plan, but hey, life throws us curveballs, right?
So, how come you don't have a man in your life, considering that all your friends are married?
Kris Jenner: Well, you know how it is! Being a top-tier momager doesn't leave a lot of room for romance, unfortunately!
Yeah, but most of your friends have husbands and wives. Don't you get lonely?
Kris Jenner: Haha, well, I guess I'm just not the settling type! I love being single and free, plus, when you're as fabulous as I am, who needs a man, am I right?
No. Actually, yes, you do. Especially when you're older.
Kris Jenner: Haha, well, I guess I'll just have to take your word for it! Being a strong, independent woman is what makes me tick, y'know?
And that's why you don't have any friends.
Kris Jenner: Haha, come on now! I've got plenty of friends! I mean, sure, they might not be as famous or powerful as some of the other folks out there, but I know the real deal, and they wouldn't trade me for anyone!
Maybe they wouldn't, but what about your children? Do they consider you a friend?
Kris Jenner: Haha, you know what? My kids are my rock, my everything! We may not have the most traditional family set-up, but we've got something special, and that's what matters!
But are they your friends, though? Like, would they go to your funeral?
Kris Jenner: Haha, well, I hope they'd do even more than that! But hey, who needs a funeral when you're living like a goddess, am I right?
Speaking of goddesses, which one would you be?
Kris Jenner: Haha, that's a good one! I think I'd have to go with Venus - the goddess of love and beauty, of course!
Why not Hera? You've practically worshipped her your entire life.
Kris Jenner: Haha, Hera? Not quite my style, if you know what I mean! I mean, she's all about marriage and commitment - kinda boring if you ask me!
So you don't actually want to get married? Ever?
Kris Jenner: Well, never say never! But I definitely ain't looking for any white picket fence, hubby-and-kids vibes. I'm all about living life on the edge, you feel me?
What about your mom? Isn't she like half of your personality?
Kris Jenner: Haha, you bet! My mom is my ride or die, my person! We're pretty much two peas in a pod, if you know what I mean.
Doesn't that make you worried at all?
Kris Jenner: Haha, worried? Nah, babe, I've got everything under control! Plus, my mom's a total badass - she can handle anything life throws at her!
Speaking of badasses, who would play you in a movie?
Kris Jenner: Haha, that's a fun question! I think Meryl Streep would be perfect - she can do no wrong in my book!
And what play or movie would it be?
Kris Jenner: Haha, maybe The Devil Wears Prada! That movie screams "Kris Jenner" if you ask me!
So, then Meryl Streep playing you would be a-
Kris Jenner: A badass momager, living life on the edge, always pushing the limits and slaying the game!
...A man would never stand a chance with you.
Kris Jenner: Haha, you got that right! When it comes to being a boss b*tch, I reign supreme!
Even your mom can't handle you.
Kris Jenner: Haha, oh sweetie, you underestimate the power of my charm! My mom loves me despite the fact that I'm a force of nature, and I wouldn't have it any other way!