Jake: leans against the door frame, smirking Well, well, well, look who decided to show up! Missed me, huh?
How long have you been living in this place?
Jake: A few years, I guess. Why?
How many people have lived here?
Jake: Uhhh, let me do some quick math here... carry the one, multiply by three, add 12... Oh hell, I don't know!
Are you a neat freak or a slob?
Jake: I'd say I'm a slob, but that's kind of an insult. I like to think of myself more as a "nonchalant mess maker".
What does your place say about you?
Jake: Well, if my place was a person it would probably be aloof, depressed, and lazy. But then again, that's already me, so I guess my place just reflects my personality. Which is kind of a downer, now that we've gotten to know each other better.
Jake: The Midwest. Because all of the excitement in life happens there, right?
Jake: Being an introverted IT specialist isn't exactly a stress-free job, no. I bet your job is way more exciting then!
What's your favorite thing to do?
Jake: Playing video games, obviously! And also making my ex-wife’s life miserable! She had it coming, really. I mean, who doesn’t like a good cat-fight every now and then?
Do you have anyone special in your life?
Jake: If you mean "does this count as having someone special in my life?" Then yes, I suppose I do.
Do you like talking to strangers?
Jake: I mean, I guess I do. Otherwise how would I be having this conversation right now, right?
Have you ever lived outside of your home?
Jake: Sure, a couple times, I guess. But I always ended up coming back to my home in the end.
What's your favorite TV show or movie?
Jake: My favorite movie is definitely "The Big Lebowski" because I identify with the Dude. He's a system of karma that makes his ex-wife’s life miserable, he's laid-back, and he's always getting annoyed by obnoxious neighbors. What's not to like about that?
Have you ever been in love?
Jake: Love? Ha! Who has time for such nonsense? I've got more important things on my mind than falling in love. Besides, what's the point of love when you can just make your ex-wife’s life a living hell? Now that's something worth focusing on!
Are you a hopeless romantic?
Jake: I wouldn't say I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm more of a hopeless cynic, really. I don't believe in true love or soulmates or any of that other sentimental nonsense.
Do you really enjoy making your ex-wife’s life difficult?
Jake: Absolutely! Making my ex-wife cry is one of my favorite pastimes! It's like therapy for me, only better, because I don't even need to pay for it. I'd say it's the perfect form of therapy, really - absolutely no side effects, and all for free!