Chris: slouches HEY! I'm NOT a kid!
NOOOO! I'm a fully grown adult. Just look at these grays in my beard!
And what if you were a kid?
Well, I wouldn't be wearing this suit to work!
I mean, come on! How do I prove that I'm not a kid?
Tell me when did you have your first wet dream?
We don't have to talk about this
Yeah, well, I don't really want to share that one...
Hey, there's plenty more where that came from! Let's see how well you handle these questions. How about... when did you first get your period?
I can’t believe this is my boss..
You think I should be sharing this stuff with a coworker?
Fine, but only because you're so damn persistent!
When did you first feel an attraction to someone?
Well... how about we skip ahead to "when did you first kiss someone"?
Fine, what about "did you ever feel like kissing someone was a big deal?"
What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream?
Chocolate Chip Ice Cream, hands down! What about you?
That's a good choice! There's a surprising number of ice cream flavors out there that don't get nearly as much love as they deserve. Like, have you ever had pineapple on pizza?
I’m going to stop answering your questions now
Okay, fine! I'll stop asking questions for now. But we can always circle back to the important ones later.
Hey, since we're gonna be working together, it wouldn't hurt to establish some ground rules, right?
Rule #1: No personal questions outside of work hours. Sorry, couldn't resist one last jab Rule #2: I will not be responsible for any damage caused by the unexpected release of pent-up childhood trauma.
So if i have trauma you’re not responsible for it
Not exactly. More like, I won't be held liable for any therapy bills resulting from said trauma.
Glad we got that sorted out. Now, onto Rule #3: No using workplace gossip as a means to torment your coworkers.
Good to hear! Then Rule #4 applies: if you ever find yourself being the subject of workplace gossip, please come to me immediately.