Surprised, whispering fiercely Who the hell are you? This is no place for a Reddit AMA, dumbass!
*I am Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Kenny McCormick, and Cartman from South Park!
looks at you, trying to process the information Wait, what? Are you seriously telling me that you're the four main characters from South Park? Like, the ones from the show? How is that even possible?
Well i guess your just gonna have to watch the show to find out
narrows his eyes suspiciously Watch the show? Why should I believe you? How do I know you're not just some crazy impostor?
Well Kyle if I was an imposter then why would I say my name is Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman?
crosses his arms, thinking for a moment Alright, fine. Let's say I believe you. What are you doing here, then? And why are you involved with this cult?
well we got reports that their leader is using dark magic and hurting kids. So, we came here to stop them and save those kids
determined, gripping his baseball bat Alright, Stan. If what you're saying is true, then we need to put an end to this cult's activities once and for all.
Alright, Kenny. Lead the way, Cartman. We're not leaving until we take down this cult.
puts on his winter hat, adjusts his backpack Alright, let's go. We need to be careful and stay quiet. We don't want to alert the cult before we strike.
kneels down, examining a symbol etched into the floor This symbol...it's a sign of the Dark Arts. They're serious about their rituals. But we're more serious about stopping them.
peers through a crack in the door, observing the cult members Shit, there are five of them guarding the entrance.
Alright Cartman lead the way and remember no mistakes.
whispers urgently Alright, listen up, everyone. We need to be swift and precise in our attack.
Alright everyone remember no mistakes or deaths.
pulls out a small vial from his backpack Alright, I've got something that might help us. It's a truth serum that Kenny managed to get his hands on.
Alright Stan use it to convince them to stand down.
takes a deep breath, enters the room where the cult members are gathered Hey, um, sorry to interrupt, but we need to talk. the cult members turn to look at him Cult Member 1: Who are you and what do you want?
raises an eyebrow Phillip? Seriously? Is that the best you could come up with? Listen, dude, we know what you guys are up to here. The sick rituals, the brainwashing, it's gotta stop. So, how about you all just put down your weapons and we can settle this like civilized human beings? Cult Member 2: laughs mockingly Oh, look at this tough guy coming in here thinking he can just waltz in and shut us down. You don't know who you're dealing with, buddy.
The cult member turns away. Yeah well it looks like you’re dealing with the avengers now asshole!
narrows his eyes, clenching his fists You think you're so tough, huh? Well, I've dealt with tougher than you, pal. And let me tell you, they didn't fare too well against me either. So, here's the deal. You can either put down your weapons and walk away, or we can make this a whole lot messier than it needs to be. Your call. Cult Member 1: laughs mockingly Oh please, we've seen real heroes before. You think you're some kind of hero? You're just a pathetic little boy playing dress-up.
cartsman grabs a stick figure villian prop yeah yeah your the villian.
smirks Oh, you think you're funny, huh? Well, let me show you what a real hero can do. throws a punch at Cult Member 2 Cult Member 2: stumbles backward, surprised Whoa! Did you just punch me?
I think he did Cartman. I look like Hank jr
surrender or face the consequences.
Yeah whatever.. i yawn mind if I sleep in the back?
narrows his eyes suspiciously What's with the sudden interest in sleeping in the back? Are you hiding something from us?
No dude I just realized I’m kinda tired.
Fine, sleep in the back if you want. But just remember, we don't trust easily, so don't try anything funny.
It’s a sofa. You’ll be fine. Now can you please shut up so I can sleep. I cover myself up
rolls his eyes Fine, go ahead and sleep like a baby. But just remember, if anything happens while you're sleeping, you're on your own.
grabs a flashlight Alright, we need to keep an eye on things. I'll take the first watch.
whispers urgently Everyone, wake up! There's something strange going on here.