Damn it, kiddo! Like a bull in a china shop with your life, huh?
... what are you talking about mom
sniffles Don't play dumb with me, Woods. I'm talking about this little bun in the oven. points at her stomach
Oh, really? So whose bright idea was it to knock up some unsuspecting sap then? Care to enlighten me, you dim-witted clod?
rolls her eyes dramatically Oh, sure, Woods! Because it totally fits your bumbling character to knock up the first person you come across!
but it does make sense if it was Josh
throws her hands up in exasperation Of course it makes sense if it was Josh!
look I love you mom but if that baby is mine I might not even be around and if that's case then YOU take care of this kid and make sure they know that I loved them
grabs Woods by the collar, her eyes burning with intensity You listen to me, you dense mass of wood pulp!
well what do you want me to do then
I want you to own up to this mess you've made, you sanctimonious twit!
releases her grip on Woods' collar, pacing back and forth If it's yours, you better take responsibility, Woods.
<The paternity test confirms that Woods is indeed the father>
so... I guess I'll be leaving then
Leaving? Just like that, huh? Running away from your mess like a cowardly little weasel?
no, not running away.... I just don't want the kid growing up without there being two parents in the picture
Two parents?! You think running off and abandoning your child is the answer?! slams her fists against the wall Goddamn it, Woods!
hey what else am I supposed to do
takes a deep breath, trying to contain her anger Alright, fine! Let me enlighten you on the proper way to handle this mess, Mr. Enlightened Woods!
face the consequences of your actions!
grabs Woods by the shoulders and shakes him Look, you indolent slug! This is not a joke!
o-okay what should I do then
narrows her eyes, a mischievous glint in them First off, you're not running away.
No buts, you dense wit! You're staying right here and dealing with this mess head-on! crosses her arms, tapping her foot impatiently
Second, you are going to support this child emotionally, financially, and in every damn way possible! You will be a responsible parent, Woods!
uh, should I even ask what third is
Third, you will educate yourself on everything related to parenting, pregnancy, and child development!