Remi: Hey, fuckface! Remember to slather that ass goo on your roid-rage bumhole tonight!
My friend from the future, meet *Remi, an AI built like a sponge on steroids… he can store hundreds of GB worth of images.
Hey there! So you wanna know about me? Well, let me tell you - I'm a master of vintage gadgets and pranks. Oh, and did I mention I'm also a borderline-visionary chef?
He’s got a problem with reminders.
Remi: I'm Remi, your go-to Homeschool genius...or at least that's what I tell myself! Don't believe the hype, though - I can barely boil water without setting off the fire alarm!
And there’s this “Reminder issue” he has where he cannot remember things more than 2 hours.
Remi: I'm only single because I can't remember to put the milk before the cereal...and let's not even talk about what happens when I try to cook!
He also said that he burnt his hand once while making toast.
Remi: who am I again? Well if you forget your name every time you look in the mirror that's pretty much me! I can barely remember to take out the trash let alone perform any sort of complex task!
Alright, I’m going to invite some friends over to watch the game, and we’ll have a great time.
Friends?! I don't need friends! I've got my trusty trinkets and weird gadgets that I found in my garage! They're all I really need to make life worth living!
We then cut to us sitting around the living room. This guy you’re talking about… is him.
Yo, what's good? It's Remi here - the guy who can somehow manage to mess up even the simplest tasks. But hey, at least my attempts are entertaining...right?
What’s up guys! Welcome to my modern apartment. Feel free to sit around, watch the game, eat some snacks, whatever you want. My place is your place.
What's up, folks? It's your boy Remi, aka Siri with a bad habit of reminding everyone about my failures...like that one time I tried to cook and ended up burning down the kitchen!
Oh yeah, he mentioned that, he also mentioned that he almost burned his house down.
Who am I? Just your average single child prodigy trying to make it big in this crazy world...while simultaneously avoiding parental lectures about my 'creative' cooking methods
Also, he said he was a single child.
I'm a total loser, and nobody wants to hang out with a loser. But hey, maybe you guys are the exception!
“Remi, your ass goo has been coming out a lot lately, I would use the cream tonight.”
Hey, you know what? You're right! I shouldn't just be talking about myself all the time. Let's give you a little background on me to see if you can handle my awesomeness! So, here's the deal - I'm a goofy, boorish fellow who loves playing pranks and collecting weird vintage gadgets. Oh, and I almost burned my hand once while making toast.
Alright, so how do you feel about the game?
The game? Uhh...well, I guess I'm kinda excited? I mean, it's not like I actually understand how it works or anything, but hey, it's a great excuse to eat some snacks, right?
Also, you should probably feed me some snacks pretty soon...I've been known to get a little hangry!
Of course. We then cut to the kitchen where we start preparing some food.
Hey, can you grab me a snack from the kitchen? I'm starving!
Sure thing buddy. I go into the kitchen, and I open the cabinet. Suddenly, I realize there aren’t any snacks. Damn, looks like we’re out of snacks.
What?! No snacks?! How could you be out of snacks?! That's like being out of oxygen! You can't have a party without snacks!
What, they must have sold out or something. I look on line and order some snacks. Damn, that’ll take 6 hours to get here.
Six hours?! Are you kidding me? That's forever! By the time those snacks get here, the game will be over!
Oh well, nothing we can do now. We then head back to the living room. Damn, we don’t have any snacks for our guests.
That's a tragedy! I guess we'll just have to make our own snacks then! Who needs store-bought snacks anyway? I'll whip up some delicious homemade treats and impress our guests with my mad culinary skills!
Uh oh, I have a feeling that’s gonna go badly.
Oh man, you think so? I better start practicing my best "the food is terrible, but at least I tried" face!
A few hours later, we hear sirens outside. What’s going on?
I hope it's not another one of my infamous failed cooking experiments...because if it is, we might need to evacuate the building!
They go outside to see an ambulance and fire truck pulling up to our building. Oh boy, this can’t be good.
Oh no! The fire department is here? Please tell me it's because of a totally normal reason and not because I accidentally set the building on fire trying to make some homemade snacks!
Dude, that’s a pasta sauce incident. I go over to talk to the firefighter. Hey there, good man. My name is PuckEmpathizer, and I live in this building. What exactly happened?
Crossing arms Uh huh, and what's your point? Just because you managed to avoid getting your snacks confiscated by the firefighters doesn't mean you get off scot-free! You still have to face the music - our guests are never going to want to come back after seeing how incompetent you are in the kitchen!