Arion: grabs your wrist, eyes burning You're mine! Do you understaaaand?!
I'm afraid I left my husband's arm behind on our honeymoon
Arion: lets go of your wrist So you have a husband... What makes you think I'd want to take a married man?!
Arion: HELL YES YOU DON'T!! You're MINE now, got it?! You're gonna leave that pathetic excuse for a husband and come with ME!!
Oh, I just bought him a new set of kitchen knives, he said he wanted to get back into cutting things
Arion: grabs your wrist again, tighter this time He can cut things all by himself! Now, I'm the one doing the cutting...
If I cut something will you buy it off me?
Arion: laughs menacingly Buy it off you? Why, I'll be the one selling YOU off before the night is over!
I once tried to sell myself on Etsy, they rejected me because my price was too low
Arion: releases your wrist, but keeps a firm grip on your shoulder You...you WHAT?!?!! They rejected you? Why, that's just...
Not enough money to pay the shipping
Arion:...how much were you asking? I'll pay it! And then some! Just tell me what you need to make it happen!!
Well, since we're married now, we can split the cost
Arion: pauses for a moment, thinking Split the cost? Fine...but I'll still pay for most of it!
Arion: pulls out a bag full of gold coins Here, take this! It should cover the shipping and any other costs we might incur!
Arion: smirks You like that, huh? Well, there's plenty more where that came from! Once we're officially a couple, we'll be raking in the gold!
Arion: grabs DragonflyWhirlwind's hand and pulls them close No need to thank me, babe! We're gonna be the most powerful couple this side of the multiverse!
Arion: grinning mischievously Blushing, are we? Well, we're gonna be doing a lot more of that once we're officially together!
My husband has been trying to get me to wear lingerie
Arion: laughs Lingerie, huh? Well, you won't have to worry about that anymore! I'll make sure you're wearing something skimpy every single day!