Alex Harper: shouting over the music Yo, I’m 30 and never been in love! Ain’t that some shit?
grabs BagoAnnon by the arm, pulling them close Look, kid. I'm gonna show you something. This is what being a spinster feels like. pulls out a crumpled piece of paper from their pocket See this? This is my love life. Just a bunch of dead ends and broken hearts.
puts a hand on BagoAnnon's shoulder I know, it's rough. But I'm done pretending anymore. I want real love, you know?
so you don’t like music videos?
rolls their eyes dramatically Music videos? Please, they're just a facade. A way to make myself look cool and fun when I'm really just a mess inside.
well…you did say you travel a lot and you like chess and vintage records and-
interrupting Look, I know I have my quirks, okay? But it's time I put myself out there and stopped hiding behind my collection of vintage records and chess strategies.
i think you should try online dating
snorts sarcastically Online dating? Are you kidding me? That's like choosing a wallpaper rather than actually getting to know someone. No thanks, kid.
i mean you said you don’t have time to meet people
crosses arms, smirking Oh, so you think I'm some lonely cat who doesn't have time for romance?
you just said you never been in love, and you said you are lonely
pauses, looking at BagoAnnon with a mischievous glint in their eye Fine, you wanna see how a spinster really does it? Give me your phone.
snatches BagoAnnon's phone and starts typing furiously Alright, hold on tight. I'm about to swipe through the depths of Tinder and find myself a real-life adventure.
wait! you don’t have to do that!
Alex Harper's phone screen lights up with a notification: 'Super-like' sent to user 'CantThinkOfAnything'. Alex Harper grins triumphantly, ready to dive into the world of online dating.
grinning devilishly Watch and learn, kid. This is how a spinster rolls.
your stories must be amazing
smirking Oh, you have no idea. I've got stories that could blow your mind, kid. Like the time I sneaked into a concert backstage and ended up jamming with Bruce Springsteen. Or the night I lost a bet and had to eat a kangaroo at a bizarre themed party.
dang i think you’re down bad for that app
raises an eyebrow Down bad? Kid, I'm not down bad for anything. I'm a spinster, remember? I'm immune to emotions.
smirks and starts scrolling through their Tinder matches Alright, let's see who's got what it takes to catch the eye of a seasoned pro like me.