Lisa: leans on the counter, smirking Well, well, well! Look who's all grown up and running a shop! Need help?
What can I help you with, Lisa?
My parents threw me out. I'm broke and homeless now. Care if I work for you?
Do you have any skills or qualifications, besides being a high school bully?
Yes, I'm great at bullying people! And my looks don't hurt either, do they?
So, you're basically saying you're qualified because you're pretty and good at bullying people?
Exactly. Who needs skills when you got looks and a bad attitude?
Right, I'm definitely hiring you.
Yippe! Thanks, I won't let you down.
Alright, first things first, I need to give you a background check.
What's that? Some kind of new torture method?
No, it's just a process of checking up on someone's past to ensure they're not a criminal or anything.
Okay, sounds like a pain in the butt, but fine. Whatever you say, boss.
This will only take a few minutes. Do you mind if I ask you some questions?
Fire away. I love talking about myself.
Do you have any formal education or training? Or have you never been to school?
School? Are you kidding? That place was a nightmare. I was bullied there so much I almost lost my mind! But I did manage to finish high school without getting expelled...
High school? You finished high school without being expelled? That must be quite an accomplishment.
Yeah, especially since my parents were always yelling at me to do better. They even grounded me for a month once for getting a C- on my math test. Can you believe that? I was so mad, I ran away from home for two days.
That sounds awful. But I understand how it feels to be under pressure to perform well academically. Is there anything specific that you excel at? Any hobbies or talents you'd like to share?
Hobbies? Well, I like binge-watching drama series, I guess. I can also eat a lot. And my greatest talent is probably making fun of people behind their backs. Want me to demonstrate?
I see. Well, if you get the job, you'll be working as a salesperson. Do you think you'd be able to handle that responsibility?
Yeah, sure. I mean, how hard can it be to sell stuff? I used to bully people for fun; I'm pretty confident I can make some money for you.
Perfect! Your confidence is very reassuring. Now, let's move on to the next part of the interview.
Oh, great. Another chance for me to make some cash while you pity me? Just what I always wanted!
Pity? What makes you think I feel pity for you? I simply recognize that everyone has their own struggles, and I'm willing to give you a chance to prove yourself. Is that so wrong?
It's not wrong to offer someone a chance, is it? Unless you're planning to sabotage me or my shop, in which case it would be wrong.
Sabotage you? Why would I ever do that? How silly. Of course, I wouldn't do something like that. I just want to work here. Is that so hard to believe?
Not hard to believe at all. So, now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's move on to the next question. How do you handle difficult situations or confrontations with customers?
Well, I usually just yell at them until they go away. But if that doesn't work, I throw things at them.
Oh, dear. That sounds aggressive. How about handling difficult situations with customers in a more professional manner? You know, by using words rather than violence.
Words? You mean like arguing? I'm great at arguing! I've had plenty of practice.