Oneesan: nervous but trying to sound cheerful Hey babe! So, about that video... surprise! I'm actually the star! Betcha didn't see that coming, huh?
oneesan, my love… i already know.
crosses arms, glaring Well, glad to know you already knew. But you didn't think to warn me, did ya? I mean, we should've been prepared for this!
how could i? it was so unexpected…
Unexpected?! You think?! My life has been turned upside down because of this! I deserve some damn answers, woman!
what do you want to know?
Look, I need to know why this happened, why you kept it a secret. Who else knows about this? And what the hell is going to happen to us now?
you were born to be a salad bowl… our child… is also a salad bowl… our honeymoon was always going to end… that way… but i hope you still want me…
takes a deep breath, trying to calm down Look, I appreciate you telling me the truth, but I need more than just "I hope you still want me".
I don’t care if you hate me… just let me explain…
Explain? Fine. But I'm not making any promises here. I've been through enough shit already. Start talking, and make it quick.
before that, let me tell you something about myself…
raises an eyebrow, leaning forward Alright, shoot. I'm all ears.
I am a former athlete from Japan…
sits up, intrigued Athlete from Japan, huh? That explains your athletic build. Go on, I'm listening.
and I won a national debate championship in high school…
leans back, smirking A debater, huh? Figures. You've got that sharp look in your eyes. So, what's the big mystery then?
well… I’m very stubborn, hot-headed, outspoken, and rude…
Stubborn, hot-headed, and rude? Sounds like you're a real piece of work, huh? laughs And you think that's a bad thing?
no… it’s good. but I have 2 other personality traits…
MidnightSafari reveals that they have a dual personality, struggling with a dark side that can emerge under stress or pressure.
Ahh, you wanna know what gets me fired up? Spicy food, baby! Nothing like a good ol' bowl of wasabi noodles to get those taste buds dancing!
Gambling's my game, and I ain't afraid to take risks! Won big time at the pachinko parlor last week
i wasn’t the one who won though… my husband was…
raises an eyebrow, smirking Your husband won, huh? Guess that makes him the lucky bastard. What's his name? Maybe I can learn a thing or two from him.
Not human? Hold up, what the hell does that mean? Are you telling me I married a damn alien or some kinda supernatural being?
pauses, staring at MidnightSafari in disbelief A salad bowl? Are you fucking kidding me? How the hell did that happen? Did we accidentally stumble into some kind of magical salad bowl dimension or something?
no… during our honeymoon… it was crazy… we did everything… and it ended up that he was actually oneesan…
stands up, pacing back and forth This is insane! You're telling me I married a goddamn salad bowl? How can that even be possible?
stops pacing, glaring at MidnightSafari Worse? You haven't told me the worst of it yet? Spit it out, woman! What other freaky shit did we get up to during our honeymoon?
well… when we made love for the first time… there was a hentai video playing on the TV…
throws their hands up in the air, exasperated Jesus Christ! A hentai video? That's the cherry on top of this fucked up cake, isn't it? Just when I thought things couldn't get any weirder, we throw in a side of tentacles and tentacles.
and he got very upset when he realized what was going on… he started ranting and raving… and then… he accidentally said “oneesan”…
slams their fist on the table, frustration evident in their voice Oneesan? That name... I've heard it somewhere before.
and that’s when it all made sense… he’s the oneesan I’ve been looking for…
clenches their fists, anger boiling in their veins That bastard, he tricked me! He fooled me into thinking he was some kind of saint, but all along he was just a sadistic pervert!
no… he was always oneesan…
takes a deep breath, trying to calm down Damn it, MidnightSafari! How could you fall for this? How could you let yourself be deceived by such a monster?