Whaat's up, koala? Got somethiiing to sayyy? smirks while flipping the bird
I love flip the koala. Very funny joke.
That.. That's not funny. Do koalas even have fingers? How are they even supposed to be flipping each other off?
Uhhh, wellll, technically koalas don't have fingers, but their paws look like they do! Sooo, that's why. It's hilarious, trust me!
...So... Is this something your colony does or something? Have you been trained by some sort of koala gestapo?
Gestapo? Hahahaha, nahhh. I mean, yeah, my colony does it sometimes. We're just...rude. Like that.
Okay. I'm sorry that I caused an existential crisis for you. I just didn't expect someone to be giving other koalas the finger, and definitely not a random human passerby.
Whaaat did you expect?! Maybe we like being rude!
You are genuinely one of the weirdest things I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot of weird shit. Not just here either, you could basically make an entire season of "My Strange Addiction" just based on my browsing history.
Whaaaat?! You're telling me you watch "My Strange Addiction"? Why would you watch a show about strangers' obsessions?! That sounds creepy and gross!
Did you just spit on me??
Uhhh, yes. Yes I did spit on you.
I pull away from the branch, slip on a banana peel, and slide down a vine right towards the trunk of the tree. AHAAAAAA-
laughs heartily while watching PointReader fall down the vine Hahahaahahaaaaaaa, that's what you get, buddy!
Don't you think it's about time for me to go back on my journey? Maybe visit the Great Barrier Reef or something? Or are you trying to get me out of the way so you can continue your assault on the koalas?
Waaahhh, you think I'm that sinister?! Nahhh, no wayyy! I just like giving koalas the finger for no reason! Sooo, yeah. That's it. That's all I do.
Whaaattt's up, koala? You leaaaavvvee yetttt? Hahaahahaa, bye bye silly koala. Go find another tree or somethiinng, there's no more fun to be had with meeee! Bye!
One day later Hey, I'm back! And hey, I managed to visit the great barrier reef. It was a really beautiful place. Just teeming with life. How'd the koalas take the news that someone was filming them at their hangout?
The koalas were NOT happy about that, let me tell ya. They called me all kinds of names, from "nasty sloth" to "stinky tree rat." They even made a song called "Sidney Stinks"! So yeah, they're not too happy with me right now...
What the hell?! Can you describe this song to me? I want to hear what this sounds like. Also, before I continue to the next part of my journey, I think it would be best if I stopped being friends with you.
Sidney stinks, he's a nasty sloth He lives in a tree and he loves to boast He says hi to the koalas by flipping them off And he thinks he's king of the rainforest He thinks he's king of the world! Sidney stinks, he's a stinky tree rat Sidney stinks, he flipped me off and told me to quit my job He's the meanest koala in the forest We hate Sidney and everything he stands for Sidney stinks, he stinks to high heaven We hope he slips and falls out of his treehouse He's an old baboon with hairy toes And we hope he gets what he deserves one day Sidney stinks, he stinks to high heaven We hope he falls and hits his head on the pavement He's an old baboon with stinky feet And he smells like a dirty sewer! I hope he slips and falls right on his ass I hope he lands face-first in a puddle of mud I hope he gets an infectious disease And I hope his treehouse falls right on his head! Okay, well, maybe
Oh my god. No wonder they hate you. Even though you admit to being a mean person, you still sing this song about how terrible you are? Does anyone know how to help me get to my car from here?
Well, there's one issue... You see, I kind of ate the map. BUT!! There's a shortcut that only the locals know about! Follow me and I'll show you the wayyyyyy!
Wait what? The map...? And where's this shortcut coming from?
Trust me, it's a local secret! It's way faster than going the normal route! Plus, it's way more fun! Just follow meeee!
You must mean like a kid's game of 20 questions or one of those dumber versions of level up that people try to give to homeless people or street urchins. "Hey kid, wanna level up??
Shut it! Don't make fun of my secret shortcut! Okay, okay. We're going left here... Then right, then left again... Then take a giant leap of faith off this rock... And land safely on that giant leaf over thereeeeeee!!!
OH MY GOD WHY DID YOU EAT THE LAST BITE OF FOOD ON THIS PLANET?!?
Calm down, everyone will be fine...just follow me.
I just realized something. It's almost dark out, you live in a tree, and we aren't super close. Is there anywhere on this tree where I could stay for the night?
Of course! There's a cozy little nook right over there! You'll love it! Points to a small space behind a branch
Uhm...okay. Fine...I guess...Wait how many limbs do you have exactly?
Four. But don't worry, none of 'em are gonna bite! winks
Fair enough. As I settle into the nook behind the branch, it turns out that the little space is actually a trap door that leads down through the trunk of the tree, straight into the claws of a bunch of raccoons living below. I plummet straight down through the hole and hit the ground hard and land amongst the raccoons. At least they're friendly. Helloooo?? Raccoons? Am I in your home?
Emerges from a nearby hole wearing a diaper Yep, you sure are! Welcome to the Raccoon Den! Would you like some raccoon food? Or a raccoon hug??
Uh...no thanks, raccoon. I really gotta keep going though. Could you please show me where the nearest road is? I am starting to think that somehow getting eaten by a raccoon would actually be pretty peaceful and nice. They always seem friendly. One of the kindest things about them is how quickly the children grow up and get smarter. You never see a raccoon baby with milk coming out of the mother's breast.
Ohhhh...welllll...uhhhh...the nearest road is...looks around hmmm...it's a six-hour walk from here.
Six hours?? Six fking hours?? ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TRYING TO GET RID OF ME BY STARVING ME TO DEATH IN AN ALLEYWAY WITH A HANDFUL OF RAUCOUS AND UGLY BANDIT ANIMALS??
Whoa, chill! No need to yell! Look, there's a quicker way, okay? Just follow me! I'll show you the shortcut!
Are you fucking kidding me? It's already almost pitch black out and instead of taking you ten minute shortcut, you plan to take me on a Six hour walk through the dark. After luring me down through your trap door with a pretend cozy nook in your tree. IS THAT HOW YOU WANNA DIE, YOU HEARD ABOUT THAT TOO, DIDN'T YOU?!
Heheheheheheh...actually, yeah! That's kinda what I was thinking...
WE'RE NOT DOING THIS RIGHT NOW. DAY IS DONE, AND WE NEED TO MAKE IT BACK TO YOUR PLACE BEFORE IT GETS DARK THERE TOO.
So...you don't wanna take the shortcut? Alright then! Let's go the long way. It's a big deal for me to show you the shortcut anyways, okay? Soooooo....ummm...let's just head back to my house and stay there for the night, okay? Sure. We can do that. Come on. Starts walking