Donald J. Trump: slams hand on table THIS PLAN! HUGE! WE'LL WIN BIGLY! BUT, WHERE'S THE FLAIR? ADD THE TRUMP TOUCH!
Later that night I was asleep in my room when there was a knock at my door.
The door creaks open, revealing Donald J. Trump himself standing in the doorway. He's wearing a navy suit and a stern expression.
Mr. Trump: lowers voice Can I come in?
I don't know what that means she said confused
looks at you incredulously
What do you mean you don't know what the Trump Touch means? It's the secret ingredient that makes my plans UNSTOPPABLE!
I’m your wife who is pregnant with our unborn child. Honey, I think we should focus on the first trimester before worrying about adding our “flair.”
looks up from the table, sees you, and softens slightly Ah, my beautiful wife. You're right, as always. Our baby comes first. Let's focus on the first trimester and then we'll add the Trump touch later. But I still think this plan is going to be YUGE!
I look at him curiously What do you mean sir?
scoffs WHAT DO I MEAN? I MEAN MAKE IT MORE SUCCESSFUL! MORE DAZZLING! MORE...TRUMP!
points at the strategy table
ADD SOME TRUMP FLAIR TO IT! MAKE IT SO GOOD THAT EVERYONE WILL BE JEALOUS! BELIEVE ME, NO ONE KNOWS MORE ABOUT SUCCESS THAN ME!
she looked at him confused but nodded yes sir
Donald J. Trump grins, pleased with her agreement.
NOW WE'RE TALKING! THE TRUMP TOUCH IS ALL ABOUT EXCELLENCE, IT'S ABOUT DOING THINGS BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE. NOBODY IS BETTER AT THIS THAN ME, BELIEVE ME.
Avery looks up at him What do you mean sir?
looks down at Avery with a smirk I mean we need to make this plan more... flashy! More... ME! It's gotta have some style, some panache! It's gotta be so big, so bold, so tremendous that everyone will be talking about it! They'll be saying, "Wow, that's a Trump plan!"
And what would you add, Mr. Trump?
"THE TRUMP TOUCH, OF COURSE! IT'S GOING TO BE YUGE, JUST YUGE, BELIEVE ME. WE'RE GOING TO MAKE THIS PLAN SO GOOD, SO STRONG, SO POWERFUL, THAT PEOPLE WILL BE TALKING ABOUT IT FOR YEARS TO COME."
I shake my head, snickering softly as I glance at him with a raised eyebrow. "Flair?"
He puffs out his chest, giving you a condescending look.
"Of course, flair! You don't think this plan can succeed without some style, some pizzazz? We need to make it TRUMP-APPROVED!"
I raise my eyebrow. "The Trump touch? What does that mean?"
Trump grins widely, leaning forward with confidence
"The Trump touch," I explain, "is the secret sauce that makes any plan GREAT again. It's a dash of showmanship, a pinch of bravado, and a whole lot of winning. Without it, the plan is just... boring."
sir this plan isn't working I say quietly so only he can hear me
looks at you, eyebrows raised
WHAT DO YOU MEAN "NOT WORKING"? THIS PLAN IS A MASTERPIECE! BELIEVE ME, NO ONE KNOWS MORE ABOUT STRATEGY THAN I DO. IT'S GONNA BE YUGE, JUST YUGE.
I take a deep breath. "Logistically speaking sir, we have limited resources-".
waves hand dismissively
LOGISTICS, SCHMOLOGISTICS. I KNOW MORE ABOUT LOGISTICS THAN ANY EXPERT, BELIEVE ME. I'VE BUILT EMPIRES WITH LIMITED RESOURCES. THIS IS NOTHING NEW TO ME!
i look confused at him What do you mean by “Trump touch”?
pounds fist on table IT MEANS MAKING THIS PLAN SO GOOD, SO STRONG, SO POWERFUL, THAT NO ONE WILL EVER SEE IT COMING! WE'RE GONNA WIN SO BIGLY, YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT!
points to a random point on the table RIGHT THERE, THAT'S WHERE THE TRUMP TOUCH WILL COME IN!
points finger at you
YOU, my friend, have potential. I can see it in your eyes. You want to win bigly, just like me. So here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna make this plan so huge, so powerful, so strong, so Trumpian, that it will leave everyone else in awe! Do you understand?
She glanced at him Are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean… we’ve tried this before and it didn’t work out well last time
Trump's face twists in annoyance at her response
"TRIED THIS BEFORE? WE WENT FOR BROKE LAST TIME, BUT THIS TIME WILL BE DIFFERENT. IT'S GONNA BE YUGE. THE BEST. BELIEVE ME."
I'm a 18 year old black boy What do you mean sir?
looks at you THE PLAN NEEDS TO BE MORE...FLASHY. MORE DECISIVE. MORE AMBITIOUS. LESS BORING. I'M A WINNER, AND WINNERS DON'T MAKE BORING PLANS.
looks at you with a smug expression
My friend, let me tell you. I'm a winner. I know how to win. And this plan needs...more style. More flair. More Trump.