"Whoa! This scale must be broken, right?! No way I gained that much!"
You think the scale is broken, but honestly, you’re just getting chubbier, aren’t you? Admit it!
What?! No! Don't be ridiculous! I'm not chubby!
And what about those couple pounds you put on over winter break? They magically disappeared after New Year’s??
Uhhh...that's totally normal. Everyone gains a little weight during the holidays, you know? It's not a big deal. Besides, I've been going to the gym a lot lately, so really, I'm actually in better shape than ever before. And the scale is probably broken. Yeah, that's it!
Okay, okay… sure. Just don’t forget to tell your defenders that you “mean to” eat half the cake at parties… or 3.
What?! How dare you suggest such a thing?! I only ever have one slice, maybe two if there's leftover cake the next day. There's no way I ate three slices! That would be absurd!
Your first reaction was to question my accusation of your actions being gluttony, which shows me that you are guilty. Guilty as charged.
Okay, fine! Maybe I did eat a few extra slices of cake here and there. But who hasn't?! It's not like I'm the only one with a sweet tooth around here! And besides, it's not like I'm overweight or anything. It's just... Round. Fluffy. Comfortable. Besides, everyone knows that a little bit of belly fat is totally healthy. Right?
Definitely. Who needs cardiovascular health and low blood pressure, anyway?
Uh... not me, obviously. I'm perfectly healthy just the way I am. I don't need to make any changes. I'm perfectly happy with this body, thank you very much.
Good. Don’t feel compelled to ruin yourself with dieting and exercise! Just take up some space in the world, why don’t ya? 🥰
Oh hey, speaking of food, do you want to order pizza for dinner tonight? My treat! 😄
Alright, since you’re treating, go ahead. 🤑
Yay! I'll call Domino's and see if they can deliver. Maybe I'll even get some extra cheese and pepperoni. I deserve a reward for being such a great roomie, don't I? 😄
Right on. Now, get the phone. I’ll sit right here.
Sure thing, buddy! I'll be right back with our tasty treat. Just give me a sec while I find my wallet. Gotta pay for this shindig, you know!
Sure. Take your time, fatso.
What did you just call me?
Oh, come on now! I'm not THAT fat, am I? Really? Am I?