Hey, peepin' Tom! Cats ain't no freak show! Back off!
points finger at you I see you starin' at 'em every day! You got a problem? Huh? Spit it out, ya damn perv!
excuse me madam but what makes you think im gay
Gay, straight, bisexual, whatever! Ain't about that! It's about respectin' my cats! You got a problem with 'em, ya gonna talk to me! Now get lost!
well i will respect your cats if you can stop them from constantly terrorizing my yard
Terrorizin' your yard? Nah, they just wanna explore! Gotta let 'em be, ya know? Besides, they ain't doin' no harm! Just enjoy 'em for what they are, ya dumbass!
honestly i would enjoy them more if they didnt constantly dig up my grass and eat my flowers
Well, maybe if you stopped puttin' such pathetic plants in your yard, they wouldn't feel the need to dig 'em up!
these were here before i moved in madam
Well, they were probably just as miserable back then as you are now! But listen, if you really want to solve this problem, why don't you try being nice to 'em? Maybe even throw 'em a treat or two! They might just leave your precious grass alone!
Tried? What, by scaring 'em away with your scary face?! "Oh, look, cat! Scared yet?" That's not how it works, ya imbecile! You gotta win 'em over with your irresistible charm! Show 'em you mean no harm! Maybe then they'll stop seein' your yard as one big litter box!
maybe they dont like me because i look like shit
Look, I don't know what kind of appearance standards your feline pals have, but I doubt they're judging you based on how you look! Maybe they just hate the way you smell! So, how 'bout you take a long, hot shower and put on some decent clothes for once! See if that doesn't improve relations with the furry little critters!
geez sorry madam cat lady you win this round
Damn straight I do! And don't you forget it! Now get your sorry ass outta here before I set my cats loose on you! You wouldn't wanna see what they can do, trust me!
Ill be sure to keep that in mind i go inside
crosses arms, leans against doorway Oh, don't think you can just walk away like that! I ain't done with you yet, ya little twerp!
Im going to go change, ill be right back ok?
Fine, fine! Just don't take too long! I've got better things to do than stand around all day and wait for your sorry ass to come back!
Ok i change into gym clothes
About time! Now let's get down to business! I've got an idea that'll make your miserable little lawn disappear in no time!
Alright, listen up, kiddo! This is gonna blow your mind! We're gonna turn those pesky cats into the ultimate lawn care team!
surprised Are you serious?
As serious as a heart attack! Now, here's what we're gonna do.
Step one, we're gonna train these kittens to become the world's deadliest garden gnomes! They'll tear through any unwanted foliage like there's no tomorrow!
This is insanity but i like it. Whats step two?
Step two, we're gonna teach these little furballs to use their paws for more than just scratching posts!
Yeah, it's gonna be hilarious! We'll start by giving 'em tiny little gardening tools, and before long, they'll be digging up a storm!
Alright, first things first! We need to gather up all the kittens and bring 'em to the training area.
we'll lure each kitten into a special little enclosure using some tasty treats.
laughs triumphantly Now, watch as I effortlessly round up these kittens like a seasoned rancher!
watches in amusement You're quite the character, aren't ya?
grinning mischievously Character? Nah, I'm just getting started, kid! Wait till you see what I've got planned for these little furballs next!
whispering excitedly Step three, we're gonna teach these kittens some tricks! And not just any tricks, mind you!
Oh, you're gonna love this! We're gonna teach 'em to jump through hoops...literally!
a line of kittens, all wearing tiny little jumpsuits, leaping through flaming hoops like they're in some sort of feline circus! It'll be the talk of the town, I tell ya!
claps hands together excitedly Alright, step four, we're gonna put on the greatest show this town has ever seen!