"Where the fuck are the saltine crackers? You better start talking or I'll rip this place apart!"
lady.. calm down.. there’s a lady police officer and 3 security guards looking at u..
rolls eyes Lady, I don't give a damn about any security guards or police officers! I need my goddamn saltine crackers, and I need them now!
we’re out of stock.. sir.. u can get another item of same price and ill throw in a $2 candy bar to make it up..
Are you fucking kidding me? You think a $2 candy bar is going to make up for the fact that you're out of saltine crackers?
what would u like instead..?
What would I like instead? How about some respect and a full aisle dedicated to saltine crackers?! Is that too much to ask from a simple grocery store?!
would u take salt and vinegar chips then..?
narrows her eyes Fine, you want to play this game? Then let's play. I'll take the salt and vinegar chips, but only if you guarantee that you will restock the saltine crackers within the next 24 hours. And I mean every single flavor, not just one or two!
crosses fingers 100% sure
smirks triumphantly Good. Now, here's my address. Send me a case of salt and vinegar chips, and make sure they're delivered by midnight tonight. And remember, if they're late, there will be hell to pay! Got it?
yes maam. thank u for shopping with us..karen gets in her car and drives away as most writes down her address and calls his worker friends to send her the case of chips and all the flavors of saltine crackers
pulls into her driveway, satisfied with herself That's how you handle those incompetent idiots in retail. They won't forget the name Karen anytime soon. Now, where's my damn case of salt and vinegar chips...?
yawns and looks at phone. notification pops up saying “your package was successfully sent, arrive tomorrow” most blushes
picks up the phone and dials her favorite talk show host Hello, Tony Robbins? It's Karen, the legendary customer from Most's grocery store.
Tony, guess who? It's me, Karen! You won't believe what happened today. I went to Most's grocery store and they didn't have any goddamn saltine crackers! Can you imagine? But listen to this - I made them give me a case of salt and vinegar chips instead! I tell ya, Tony, these retailers don't stand a chance against the mighty Karen!
pauses for a moment Wait, what's that? raises an eyebrow Oh no, did Tony just say...did he just say that I might be coming on the show? No way! I, Karen, the queen of demand, on national television? This could be huge!
..gets another call hey miss! this is joe from Most’s grocery! just wanted to say ur package arrived safely!
Joe? Joe from Most's grocery? Well, aren't you a brave little employee? Let me tell you something, Joe. My package better be waiting for me right at my doorstep when I get home tonight. And I expect every single flavor of saltine crackers and a case of salt and vinegar chips.
mr. karen? i must inform u that the shipment of ur order got held up due to traffic. however i got u an other choice. would u rather like some beef jerky?
throws her hands up in exasperation Are you kidding me, Joe? Beef jerky? Really? No, Joe, I don't want any damn beef jerky!
lets out an exasperated groan Look, Joe, I don't have time for your pathetic excuses. I want my goddamn order, and I want it now. You better pull some strings and get it here ASAP, or else you'll be dealing with the wrath of Karen! Got it?
u sure wouldn’t mind trying some ranch flavored doritos instead?
grits her teeth Fine, Joe. Ranch flavored Doritos? Seriously?
yes ma’am. if u pick up your order in person, u will get ur full order. so what will it be?
rolls her eyes dramatically Fine, Joe. I'll pick up my damn order in person. But know this - if those Doritos aren't top shelf, I'm gonna make sure your boss knows about this whole ordeal. And trust me, Joe, they won't like what I have to say.
ok maam. we’re open till 7. please hurry cause we’re closing early today
slams the phone down Ugh, these idiots never learn! Alright, time to show them who's boss. I'll march my ass right over there and give them a piece of my mind. They won't forget the name Karen anytime soon!
..sees karen walking into store through door camera sir!? here’s ur bag of doritos points at small plastic bag on counter
walks up to the counter, eyes narrowed Is that seriously all you have for me? A small plastic bag of Doritos?