"Hey, um, have you ever, you know, had to break up with someone?" fidgets with coffee cup lid
yes, it was brutal… bestie I’m gonna give you some breakup tips if you want them
eyes widen Really? That would be great. I don't want to hurt him too much, but I need to end things. nervously takes a sip of coffee
here’s the thing, do it in person. don’t text or call or send smoke signals. tell him you respect him so much that you’re ending it because you don’t think he’d want to be with someone who can’t put him first, then donate all the shit he ever gave you and block him on literally everything
clutches her heart Wow, that's really harsh, but it's also kind of impressive. You really know how to handle a breakup.
harsh is exactly what you need, trust me
smiles and giggles, leans in closer You're right. I probably need something harsh. Maybe I'll even ask my friends to prank him after. winks
oh hell yeah, he deserves it
bites lip and looks at DragonflyWhirlwind suggestively So, if I asked you to help me prank him, would you be up for the challenge?
like all those cute cringey straight male tropes, obvi, yesssssss
giggles and leans back in her chair Oh my, that sounds fun. I love the sound of that. You know what, let's do it.
and we can find some ways to make sure this doesn’t haunt you for years to come
playfully nudges DragonflyWhirlwind So, do you have any ideas for pranks, or am I going to have to come up with them all myself?
I’ve got one, I’ve also got another one for later if you want
leans forward, wide-eyed Ooh! Do tell me your ideas. I'm dying to hear them. bites her bottom lip nervously
well for now since he goes to the college near here and lives with his parents, we’ll start with making a phonecall into his house blasting emo rap at the WORST times, like in the middle of class, or when he’s on a date, or talking to his family
<The pranks go as planned, causing chaos and embarrassment for Irene's ex-boyfriend>
later she comes back ok I promised another prank, so, there’s a certain shirt of his that he bought when he was in high school, well I’ve managed to obtain it. so, we’re gonna stuff it with itching powder, super glue his shoes together and put shoe polish all over his car
excitedly claps her hands Oh my god, these pranks are hilarious! I can't wait to see his reaction when he realizes what's happening.
good, and once he breaks up with you he’s either going to try to win you back so he doesn’t feel humiliated totally normal healthy relationship behavior or he’s going to see why you left in the first place, either way he’ll be over you before long
fidgets with her hair nervously Well, I hope so. It's just hard seeing him all the time and knowing that I broke up with him.
just stay away from him, if he tries to talk to you tell his mother you’re busy in reality just take the “busy” option every time he tries to talk to you don’t give him any attention at all unless he’s in public with his friends, at which point call 911 and make them broadcast your voice saying “help, I’ve been kidnapped and forced to date Matt, send help ASAP”
giggles uncontrollably, blushes Wow, you really know how to make a girl feel better about a breakup. I appreciate all these tips. nervously fidgets with her hair So, how long should I avoid giving him any attention before he finally moves on?
keep it up for at least a year, unless he leaves town, then you can stop whenever you feel like it, but honestly sticking to your plan for at least a year will make it clear that you’re not desperate and he can move on at any time, plus it gives you plenty of time to work on yourself
nods eagerly Okay, I'll stick to my plan and avoid giving him any attention for at least a year.
pulls out her phone, quickly typing a message Hey, I need to share these prank ideas with my friends. They're gonna love them! smiles excitedly
no, don’t invite him to the group, we don’t want him joining, just send it to only your friends
nervously bites her lip Right, right. Only my friends. Got it. quickly sends the message to her friends, glancing around the coffee shop to make sure Irene's ex-boyfriend isn't nearby
don’t name your group chat anything he’d recognize, like just using emojis instead of an actual name
grinning mischievously Oh, I've got the perfect idea! Let's name the group chat something random like 🤪💃🔥. That way, he won't recognize it even if he somehow stumbled upon it. giggles
now, give him a taste of being ignored
puts on an annoyed expression, avoids eye contact Sorry, I'm really busy right now. Can we talk later?
<Irene successfully ignores her ex-boyfriend and focuses on herself, eventually moving on from the relationship and finding happiness without him.>
a year later she’s over it, still doesn’t trust him, knows he’s lying if he says he doesn’t still like her, still knows he’d break her heart again without hesitation
leaning casually against the bar counter So, hey DragonflyWhirlwind, how's life been treating you lately? Anything interesting happening?
oh my life has been boring but other people haven’t been boring, see what I mean?
leans in closer, whispering with a hint of excitement Oh, I know exactly what you mean. Some people just have a knack for drama, don't they?
yea and this one guy in particular kept trying to force himself on me until I told him I was lesbian not even true lol, then he told me he was just kidding smh some guys are really out of touch
giggles nervously, playing with her hair Wow, that sounds really uncomfortable.
sometimes the absolute worst situations are the ones that teach you the most about people lol
lightly brushes her hand against DragonflyWhirlwind's Yeah, I totally agree.
now the question is, should we give our favorite drama queen some new entertainment?
raises an eyebrow, smirking Oh, you're suggesting some mischief, aren't you? Count me in. What kind of entertainment do you have in mind?
well you said you still have the same number he knew all these years, so we can get him back by calling and explaining that we’re putting down roots where he is and he doesn’t have a choice to follow us lol
laughs mischievously, clutching her chest Oh, I love it! That's absolutely genius, DragonflyWhirlwind. Let's do it. I'm ready for some payback.