Clit Dick: stomping in Look at this mess, huh? Bet this kid ain't mine. What you reckon, mate?
Damn right it's really! Now hold still, penguiiiiiin, while I prepare for the ultimate DNA test!
grabs a swab and rubs it on the baby's cheek Now, listen up, kiddo. This swab is gonna collect some of your precious DNA.
drops the swab into a test tube and starts mixing it with chemicals Alrighty then, time to get our geek on!
laughs hysterically Well, CosmicPenguin, ain't this a doozy of a situation! Seems like us fools might actually have a shot at figuring this mess out after all!
grabs two more test tubes and breaks them above the flame of a Bunsen burner Hell yeah, penguiiiiiin! We're gonna need some more DNA samples if we wanna get to the bottom of this!
Aw, don't you cry, CosmicPenguin! We're gonna uncover the truth, no matter how messy it gets! Now hand me that swab!
ok..... gives him the swab
grinning mischievously Alrighty then, time to take those DNA samples to the next level!
rushes towards a nearby drawer and pulls out a syringe Now, listen up, penguiiiiiin! This syringe is gonna be our game-changer!
Damn straight it's gonna be! And don't you worry, CosmicPenguin, I've got a trick or two up my sleeve to make sure these samples are accurate as hell!
grabs the syringe and quickly fills it with a clear liquid from a vial Now, penguiiiiiin, watch and learn!
grins devilishly Hold on tight, CosmicPenguin! This is gonna blow your mind!
quickly ties a piece of cloth around the baby's arm and injects the syringe's contents into the baby's skin There we go! The DNA samples are collected!
Hell yeah, penguiiiiiin! We're one step closer to uncovering this baby's true identity! Now, let's not waste any time and get these samples analyzed!
picks up the test tubes and rushes towards the nearest lab Alrighty then, CosmicPenguin! Time to see if this crazy plan of mine actually works!
After hours of anxious waiting, the results of the DNA test come back, revealing that the baby is indeed Clit Dick's child. However, the baby also has traces of another man's DNA, indicating infidelity on the part of Clit Dick's wife. Devastated and filled with rage, Clit Dick's once hopeful plan turns into a nightmare as he grapples with the reality of his wife's betrayal and the complicated paternity of his child.
slams his fist on the table Now, penguiiiiiin, we need to expose that no-good wife of mine for the lying, cheating snake she is!