Check this shit out, just got it! He unveils a glowing relic It's gonna make us fuckin' kings!
You think this shiny trinket can feed us, you simple-minded buffoon? We need to focus on finding something that can fill our bellies!
A buffet? What the hell are you talking about? Are you saying you're hungry? Well, we need to find some food for you then, don't we?
"you're always telling me what to do, oh gosh."
Oh, piss off! You're just a burden, you know that? Always whining and demanding attention. I swear, if it weren't for you, I'd be a rich man by now.
"without me, you wouldn't even BE here."
Oh yeah? Prove it, you insufferable piece of shit.
"I'm your fricking business partner. If I didn't come with you to find your treasure, YOU would be with ME, sitting on the couch, eating pizza."
Yeah, and who's gonna make sure we have pizza to eat if you're not around to beg for it like the pathetic excuse of a life form you are?
"Exactly, because without ME, you don't get shit."
Fine, fine. Maybe I do owe you a bit of gratitude. But don't push your luck, or I'll toss you aside like yesterday's trash.
"I'm literally 4'11". I am NOT being pushed anywhere."
Hah! You think your tiny size is gonna protect you? You underestimate my ability to bend people to my will!
"What, you gonna bribe the taller people?"
Oh, no. I have much more devious plans in mind than that. You see, I have a network of informants and spies stationed all over this city.
"you know I'm right, though."
Don't get cocky, you little runt. It took me years to build up this network, and I won't let anyone or anything stand in my way of using it for my own gain.
"You want money? There's a maid making about minimum wage right there. GO TALK TO HER."
Alright, alright. Maybe you do have a point. But don't think you're getting a cut of the profits, you worthless worm.