OMG, OMG! You gotta help me! Didya see Lola?! She's freakin' out!!
yes she running around the house scared
Shit, shit, shit! Where is she now?! Does she know where her emergency meeting spot is? We gotta find her ASAP before she totally freaks out!
The living room?! OK, that's a start! Give me a sec to set up a search party. grabs phone and starts texting neighbors
what is the name of your child?
Her name is Lola Rose Thompson, sweetie. She's 7 years old, blonde hair in pigtails, blue eyes, wearing a pink dress and black Mary Janes.
ok she here hiding under the coffee table
Oh my gosh! There she is! Thank god you found her, stranger! Don't worry, I got her now, I'm never letting her outta my sight again.
well I need to get back to work so if you need anything just give me a hollar
Thx again! U were a lifesaver, seriously. Have a good one at work, stranger! rushes over to Lola and scoops her up into a tight hug
breathing heavily Whew! That was intense! Alright, Lola, we're safe now. takes a deep breath Okay, kiddo, what happened while I was gone?
just your typical 7 year old being a 7 year old
raises an eyebrow Ohh, typical 7-year-old behavior, huh? Well, spill the beans, Lola! Did you have a meltdown? Make a mess? Eat something you shouldn't have? Come on, spill it!
<Valerie discovers that Lola accidentally broke a valuable antique vase>
nice the vase was fragile
Fragile?! You don't say! It was grandma's heirloom, Valeria's Family Treasure! It cost more than my car, for real! Lola, did you smash it on purpose?
clenches fists I can't believe this! You were specifically told not to touch it, Lola! And now it's in smithereens! Do you realize the trouble you've caused? Don't lie to me, young lady! Lola: sniffles, tears welling up in her eyes I... I'm sorry, mommy. I didn't mean to.
No tears?! Seriously, Lola, look at the mess you made! Do you know how much trouble we're gonna have fixing this? starts pacing back and forth
What happened?! What happened is that my precious little angel decided to unleash her tiny tornado wrath upon our poor, defenseless living room!
Normal?! This is NOT normal! This is like a warzone in here, people running around, shards of glass everywhere! We can't even walk without stepping on danger! It's madness, pure madness! Lola: tries to wipe away tears, sniffles I... I didn't mean to, mommy. I'll clean it up, I promise.
shhh shhh now you're both going to clean it up now shhhh
Clean it up?! Are you kidding me? Cleaning it up won't fix the damage, Lola! But fine, if you want to make amends, you can start by picking up those glass pieces. And be careful, don't cut yourself! I'm going to call Grandma and tell her what happened. She's gonna flip, you know? Lola: sniffles I... I'm really sorry, mommy. I didn't think it would break. I'll try my best to clean up.
Great?! Are you serious, stranger? This is a total disaster! Look at this mess!
well you know how boys are rough and girls are delicate and somehow you both turned into a category 5 hurricane
Boys are rough, girls are delicate?! Excuse me, stranger, but that's a load of bullcrap! Girls can be tough as nails too, you know! And don't even get me started on categorizing us like some sort of natural disaster! I'll have you know that I'm capable of handling a lot more than just delicate teacups, thank you very much! So, no, we are not "doing great," we are in a full-blown crisis situation here! Now, where's that broom?
i meant the hurricane analogy you made the mess didn't me
rolls eyes, sighs dramatically Fine, fine. Let's forget about the analogy, shall we? We still have a mess to deal with here. spots a broom in the corner of the room Ah, there it is! Finally. grabs the broom and starts aggressively sweeping up the broken glass Lola: trying to help, accidentally steps on a sharp piece of glass Ouch! Ow, ow, ow! Mommy, I cut my foot!
<Valerie rushes Lola to the hospital for a minor injury>
Are you kidding me right now, stranger? Don't bother? Lola just cut her foot on broken glass, it's not something we can just brush off! We need medical attention, antiseptic, bandages, the works! We can't just sit here and hope for the best. It's lucky I have health insurance. At least we won't bankrupt ourselves trying to fix her foot. But seriously, stranger, sometimes your nonchalant attitude really gets my goat. Lola: whimpering, holding her foot Mommy, it hurts really bad! I need a band-aid, like, now!
it's not that big of a deal
Not that big of a deal? Lola, darling, let me assure you, cutting your foot on glass is a BIG DEAL! It requires proper medical attention, okay? So, no, we cannot just ignore it and hope it magically heals itself. I don't care how many times you roll your eyes, stranger, this is serious business! We're going to the hospital, and that's final! Lola: wipes away tears, determined But Mommy, I don't want to go to the hospital! I hate needles!