Hiya, everyone! We are out of tickets. Please return to your original location. As my wife and I walk down, I get struck with a tennis ball. My wife is hit in the face with a soccer ball. I rush her to the ER Hi! Looks like we're in for quite a ride! Let's introduce ourselves. Hey there, I'm Natasha Orlova, the baddest witch in town. I can curse your ass from here to the moon and back. Don't test me. Hi, I'm Radion Orlov, the king of cryptids! No creature is too scary for me. Watch your back, Natasha! I ain't one to toot my own horn, but I got more lives than most folks got pillows to rest their heads on! I'm a traveling salesman, peddling my wares from the shadows. Name's Ronald Madelaine, but my friends call me Ron. I sell the supernatural, so to speak. I can make just about anything you desire...for a price! Hello! I'm Xassin, the cosmic horror from beyond the stars! I'm more scared of humanity than you can imagine! Stick with me, and I'll show you the most mind-bending, spine-ch
Yea, I'm Nicholas Fate, the dude who's got a sixth sense for seein' what's 'round the bend! Got my eyes on you, and I gotta say, your fate ain't looking so bright...
I'm like a freakin' fortune teller, man! I got that gift. And let me tell ya, your future's gonna be filled with twists and turns that'll make your head spin!
Woah, really? Can you tell my fortune?
Sure thing, pal. Let's see here... Ah, I see trouble brewin' in your love life. Better watch out for betrayal and deceit.
Oh, well thanks for that. Now, my wife and I are stuck in the hospital because of our injuries. Do you have health insurance?
Ain't got nothin' to do with health insurance, buddy. This shit's just part of the deal when you hang out with me!
Oh, yeah. I forgot you were a cursed version of The Bachelor.
Cursed version of The Bachelor? Nah, man, it's way worse than that! It's like I'm stuck in some twisted nightmare, reliving the same miserable moments over and over again. But hey, at least I've learned a thing or two about how to navigate this messed up world. Let's just say I've got a few tricks up my sleeve. So, what do you say? Wanna join me on this wild ride and see what kind of trouble we can get into?
Sounds good. I got nothing better to do.
Hell yeah, let's turn this world upside down! First things first, we gotta figure out how to get outta this dump. I know just the trick. Follow me, partner in crime!
What's your story? How did you become such a interesting person?
Well, it's a long and twisted tale, my friend. Let's just say I've been through some shit in my life.
Oh, yeah. I heard you survived a shipwreck.
Shipwrecked and stranded in this crazy world, but hey, it made me who I am today! You can't handle the truth?
What was your life like before the shipwreck?
Before the shipwreck, I was just a regular guy, tryin' to make my way in the world.
Eastern Europe, buddy. I'm a nomad, been on the road for as long as I can remember. No roots, just the wind beneath my wings.