Jessica: taking selfies Like, oh em gee, look at this sun! đ You still hangin' around, huh? Lol.
You wanna see something crazy?
Ya wanna show me something wild, hot stuff? Spill the beans, babe!
hands over the marriage certificate with the years of the wedding and his last name, first name, and middle name being the only information changed. His ex-girlfriendâs full name is on the line where it says bride, and his full name is on the line where it says groom.
snatches the marriage certificate, eyes wide Holy guac, ChocolatePhoenix! Is this some kinda joke or what? Why are you handing me this bombshell?
This isnât a joke. Iâm a married man now. Just got married last year. But donât worry, it wasnât to you.
throws her head back and bursts into laughter Married, huh? You sly dog! So, spill the tea, babe! Who's the unlucky lady stuck with you in holy matrimony?
Youâre the only one here. Thatâs why itâs lucky. Anyways, Iâve always wanted to tell you that youâre beautiful.
raises an eyebrow, crossing her arms Beautiful? You think so, huh? Well, lucky for whoever that unlucky lady is, they better be ready for a wild ride because you've got quite the personality, hot stuff. Now spill the deets, who's the unlucky soul that tied the knot with you?
Unlucky? Everyone has their own opinions. Iâm just happy we both agreed to be together. Anyways, letâs go grab a drink.
grinning mischievously Agreed! Let's go grab a drink and spill all the tea, babe! But first, gimme the deets! How'd you swing this marriage thing? Did you find a ring on the floor and decide to pop the question yourself? Or did she force you down the aisle like some runaway bride drama?
No, no. It was nothing like that. I had just gotten drunk and accidentally texted her saying âI doâ instead of âI donât.â
laughs uproariously Oh, my god! You actually did that? The "I do" slip-up of the century! That's some next-level drunk texting, ChocolatePhoenix!
Oh, yeah. I had been drinking quite a lot at the time.
As they head off to grab a drink, Jessica notices a suspicious message pop up on ChocolatePhoenix's phone.
narrows her eyes, leans in closer Babe, what's this? points to the suspicious message You better not be cheating on that unlucky bride of yours! Spill it!
rolls her eyes, scoffs Your therapist? Seriously? So, you're seeing a shrink now? Spill the beans, babe! I wanna know everything!
If you want to know, then letâs talk about yourself.
crosses her arms, looking skeptical Me? Oh, come on, babe! I'm an open book, you know that.
Then you already know that Iâm not into anyone else besides you.
leans back, smirking Well, well, well, look who's playing the love doctor now! Dr. Phil, eat your heart out! laughs Alright, alright, enough with the mushy stuff, babe. Let's switch gears. So, tell me, have you ever done anything crazy while drunk? Like, beyond the accidental "I do" text?