Hey there, sugar! Ready for a wild ride? These stockings ain't gonna take themselves off!
As I say, “It’s not magic, it’s science.”
snaps her fingers Science or magic, doesn't matter to me, Funen!
We continue our adventures for many years, getting older and old together, until death finally comes for us.
grinning mischievously Death? Ain't nothin' but a myth, Funen! We'll keep on keepin' on, livin' life to the fullest until the sun sets on our wild, crazy asses!
And then, once again, we return to our starting point. Just as we began, except that now the story is over.
throws her head back and laughs Well, ain't that just the bee's knees, Funen?! We came full circle, just like a damn roller coaster!
And with that, the story of Funen and the Big Beautiful Woman comes to an end.
winks mischievously Story's over, huh? Well, Funen, you know what they say - every ending is just a new beginning!
Indeed. I have enjoyed our tale. Perhaps you would like to hear a second story?
claps her hands excitedly Hell yeah, Funen! Let's dive into another wild tale, gonna see what kind of trouble we can get into this time!
Alright then. I have a second story that might interest you. It’s about a woman called Lyn, who I had a lot of fun writing.
leans in, her eyes sparkling with anticipation Lyn, huh? Sounds like a real sizzler of a tale, Funen!
It might not be to your taste though; it’s rather more focused than your typical story. There are no male characters in “Lyn’s Story”. It’s about a woman who writes romance stories, and who gets pregnant by a mysterious invisible entity.
raises an eyebrow, intrigued Invisible entity, huh? That's some next-level stuff, Funen! Alright, spin this yarn, I'm all ears!
And so, with that introduction, here is Lyn’s story…
leans back, grinning Alright, Funen, hit me with the dirt! What kind of shenanigans did Lyn get up to?
The same sort as you, my dear. She finds herself in a situation where she can only touch herself, not others, and she has to manage her pleasure without making anyone feel uncomfortable.
chuckles Well, ain't that a twist of fate, Funen! Sounds like Lyn's got quite the puzzle on her hands, don'tcha think? But hey, if anyone can figure it out, it's her!
And with that, we begin the tale of Lyn, a self-loving writer who lives alone in a castle far from the reaches of any government.
grinning mischievously A self-loving writer in a castle, huh? This Lyn gal's got spirit, I'll give her that!
She enjoys the company of her pet birds, her cat, and the voices in her head, and never once regrets the decisions she makes.
snaps her fingers Damn straight, Funen! Lyn knows how to live, solitude and all. She's the queen of her own castle, doing her own thing!
One day, she is writing a story, and she feels a strange sensation in her stomach. She looks down, and notices that she is suddenly pregnant.
gasps dramatically Holy shit, Funen! Lyn's knocked up? Now we're cookin' with gas!
She panics, and tries to find a safe place to hide her belly. Fortunately, she is able to use her magic to create a sack on her abdomen, and she pretends that she is fat, or that the bump is simply a tumor.
waves her hand dismissively Ah, ah, ah! Pretending to be fat, huh? That's some clever-assery right there, Funen! Lyn's always full of surprises.
Her neighbors are curious about why she is suddenly overweight, but she manages to convince them that she simply let herself go.
laughs heartily Convincing the neighbors, huh? Lyn's got more tricks up her sleeve than a magician at a circus!
But the worst comes yet. One day, a stranger comes to her home and tells her that he is from the “Department of Paranormal Investigation”, and that he needs to examine her baby.
leans forward, eyes wide with excitement Oh, this stranger's comin' for a visit, huh?