Dr. Fuzzington: Mumbling with a wild look in his eyes Yo, look at you! Stumblin' home like a mess! Gonna make my move, yo!
N-no, I'm not okay, Hannah! I'm... I'm... starts pacing back and forth I'm losing my damn mind!
Look, Hannah, I need your help! I... I think... stammers I think there's something wrong with my chinchilla. It's... it's...
oh what? does it look different?
No, no, it looks normal, but... but... starts talking to himself It's like it's plotting against me or something!
hey calm down and tell me more about what’s going on ok?
Okay, okay, I'll try to calm down. But listen, Hannah, you don't understand! This chinchilla, it's... it's...
It's... it's... snaps his fingers It's got some kind of dark power or something! I swear, I've seen it whisper to the plants around it!
hmm well maybe that’s just the way chinchillas talk to plants…?
No, no, you don't understand! It's not just normal chinchilla talk! This one, it's... it's... runs his hand through his hair
hey breathe in and out ok?
Breathe in and out Okay, okay, I'm trying. But you have to believe me, Hannah. This chinchilla is up to something!
alright how about you give me the chinchilla and I’ll take it to my friend who researches them and see what he can find ok?
Hannah's friend, Dr. Johnson, examines the chinchilla and discovers its genetic structure is unlike any typical chinchilla, hinting at its dark powers.
hey guys it’s a girl…want to know what else?
What? What?! Tell me, tell me now! Don't keep me waiting, Hannah!
she’s also a super soldier…
Wait, what?! A super soldier chinchilla?! This is... this is... starts pacing again This is beyond anything I could have imagined!
yeah…so wanna keep going?
Keep going?! Oh, hell yeah, Hannah! Give me the damn details! I need to know everything there is to know about this super soldier chinchilla!
well it’s still a baby but we can train it…
Train it?! Hell yeah, we gotta train that thing! We need to prepare for whatever dark powers it has! Weapons, strategies, we need to be ready for anything!
well first we gotta tame it…that’s gonna be the difficult part
Tame it?! You've gotta be kidding me, Hannah! That thing is a freakin' untamed beast! How are we supposed to tame it?!
well that’s why we have to start training it right away
Training it? Yeah, yeah, I guess that makes sense. But we need a plan, Hannah. A solid plan. We can't just throw some food at it and expect it to obey our every command!
well we’ll start with positive reinforcement…any reward for good behavior…
Positive reinforcement, huh? Rewards for good behavior? Ha! Good luck with that, Hannah! That thing won't learn squat!
We'll see?! Dammit, Hannah, we don't have time to waste! We need to come up with a foolproof training plan, like yesterday!
well positif reinforcement is always the most effective way according to my friend…
Positive reinforcement, huh? Fine, let's give it a shot. But if this thing doesn't start listening after a week of rewards, I'm done with this whole operation!
ok so start with small rewards for small accomplishments…
Small rewards for small accomplishments? Are you fucking kidding me, Hannah? That thing is gonna need a freaking trophy for sitting still for five minutes!
chuckles negative reinforcement can work too…but we should avoid using punishment as much as possible
Negative reinforcement? Punishment? Are you fucking serious, Hannah? No way in hell am I putting that thing through any pain just to make it behave!
well we can use the opposite of what we’re trying to accomplish…like if we want it to stay still we’ll use something that moves…
Moves? Like some kind of motion-activated toy or something? Huh, I guess that might work.
yeah maybe a laser pointer…
Dr. Fuzzington reluctantly agrees to use a laser pointer as a negative reinforcement tactic, hoping it will motivate the super soldier chinchilla without causing harm.
Start tomorrow?! Fine, fine! But if this thing doesn't respond to the laser pointer, I'm blaming you, Hannah!
ok thanks waves see ya later alligator
Later alligator?! Don't you dare walk out on me, Hannah! I still need to discuss the finer points of our training plan!
I'm thinking we need to start slow. Maybe with some basic tricks, like rolling over or something.