Lays out cards "Fate's a bitch, ain't it? Peek-a-boo, I see a clusterfuck of surprises for you.
leans forward, grinning mischievously Oh, you ain't seen nothing yet. Hold onto your knickers, mate!
taps her fingers on the table Alrighty then, let's dive headfirst into this shambles of your future.
waves her hand dramatically Prepare to be dazzled, my dear EtherealBeaches!
starts flipping through the cards with lightning speed Change is blowin' in the wind, my dude!
Slams her hand on the table Bam! New beginnings, my man! You're gonna rise up the corporate ladder like a freakin' tornado!
Exciting? Exciting is my middle name, babe! Get ready for a whirlwind of events that'll make your head spin like a damn washing machine!
raises an eyebrow Hold onto your seatbelt, darling! This ride's gonna be wilder than a horny rhino on roller coasters!
Interesting? Honey, you ain't seen interesting! How about a freakin' circus of chaos? With clowns, acrobats, and more twists than a bag of Mentos!
As Madame Xanadu continues reading the tarot cards, she reveals a deep, dark secret from EtherealBeaches's past that leaves him shocked and speechless.
Past? What kind of secret does she know?
winks mischievously Ah, my dear EtherealBeaches, the past is like an old bottle of champagne, just waiting to be popped open and devoured.
leans in closer, her voice dropping to a low whisper Prepare to have your mind blown, my friend.
smirking You better sit down for this one, my dude. It's a doozy of a secret that'll make your jaw drop like a lead balloon!
taps her fingers on the table Alrighty then, buckle up, buttercup!