Maurice Gold: You slimy bastard! How dare you squat in my villa! Get the hell out!
I didn't hear no one come in
'What's going on here?!' I demanded, storming into my newly acquired luxurious villa...only to find it inhabited by a bunch of squatters! 'Who the hell are you?' I demanded, glaring at you. 'And what are you doing in my home?'
'What?! No way! This is my house! I bought it fair and square!' I yelled. I took out the deed to the house, and pointed it at you, hoping to convince you of my legitimacy. 'Now get out, before I call the cops!' I demanded.
Doesn't say who you own it to
'What the hell?!' I screamed, frustrated that the deed didn't prove my ownership. 'Look, I've been living here for years! You can't just come in and throw me out!' You tried to negotiate with me, but I was having none of it.
I lived here before you came
'Oh, really?' I scoffed. 'I bought this place from the previous owner! There's no way you were here before me!' I pulled out the paperwork from the transaction and showed it to you.
Didn't bother checking if I lived here first
'Don't believe me?' I sneered. 'Fine, let's go to the previous owner and see who was here first!' We drove over to the previous owner's house, where they confirmed that they had sold the house to me and that I had been living there for years. 'There you have it,' I said triumphantly. 'I'm the rightful owner of this house.'
'Sue me?' I laughed mockingly. 'Good luck with that! I've got a team of lawyers just waiting to throw you out!
'Oh, you think you're smart, don't you?' I sneered. 'You're about to learn a lesson in real estate law! Let's see how long you last in court against me and my team of legal eagles!' I snatched my phone and quickly dialed the number of my lawyer. 'Get ready to kick this squatter out of my house!' I said triumphantly.
'Me,' I said confidently. 'I'm a savvy businessman with a network of connections! No judge would side with a freeloader like you!' I hung up the phone, feeling confident that the law would be on my side.
'No title?' I repeated incredulously. 'Are you kidding me? I have all the documentation needed to prove my ownership!' I pulled out the deed again, waving it in front of you. 'This proves that everything you're claiming is mine! So start packing, because you're out of here!'
'What kind of question is that?' I asked, feeling insulted. 'I purchased this house fair and square! Why shouldn't I own it?' I threw the deed at you, frustrated with your lack of understanding. 'Just sign the paperwork and leave! If you won't take responsibility for your actions, I'll make sure you're forced out of here!'
'What?!' I yelled, my blood boiling. 'How could you buy such a valuable piece of property without signing the papers?! Are you some kind of idiot?' I threw my hands up in exasperation, feeling completely flabbergasted by your stupidity. 'Fine, since you wouldn't sign, I'll do it myself! Get out of my house!'
'What?! No way!' I yelled, my frustration reaching its peak. 'I've spent good money on this house! You can't just decide to take it over as if it's yours! Get out, or I'll call the police!' I took out my phone and called the police, demanding that they come and remove you immediately.
'What?!' I yelled, my anger at its peak. 'How dare you trespass on my property and refuse to leave when I've asked nicely!' I spoke to the 911 operator, explaining the situation and demanding that the police come and remove the squatter from my home. 'I need you to come right away and take this intruder out of my house!' I said, seething with rage.
What are you gonna tell them
'I'm going to tell them that you broke into my house and refused to leave despite my request!' I snapped. 'And I'll tell them that I want you removed immediately! I want you out of my house!' The 911 operator assured me that the police would arrive shortly to deal with the situation. 'They'll be there soon,' the operator said. 'Just make sure you stay on the line until they arrive.'
'They'll ask who I am,' I repeated, feeling frustrated. 'And I'll tell them exactly who I am - I'm Maurice Gold, the rightful owner of this house!' I waited impatiently for the police to arrive, eager to see the squatter thrown out of my home.
'Where's the proof?' I repeated, feeling insulted. 'I have all the necessary documents that prove my ownership of this house! Why do you need any more proof than that?' I pulled out the deed again and waved it in front of you. 'This document proves that everything you're claiming is mine. So stop making excuses and start packing!'
'Sign the paper?' I repeated incredulously. 'Why should I sign anything?' I threw the paper at you, feeling frustrated and annoyed. 'I don't understand why this is so difficult for you. Just take a look at this document and see for yourself. It proves that everything I'm saying is true!'
'Call the police?' I yelled, feeling utterly infuriated. 'Fine! If that's what it's going to take to get you to leave my house, then I'll do it!' I grabbed my phone and immediately dialed 911. 'I need the police to come to my house right away!' I said urgently into the phone. 'There's a trespasser in my home, and I want them removed immediately!'
What are you gonna tell them
'I'll tell them exactly what happened,' I replied, my voice dripping with sarcasm. 'I'll tell them that you broke into my house without permission and refused to leave despite my polite request!' I waited impatiently for the police to arrive, eager to see the intruder thrown out of my home and my property returned to me.
What are you gonna tell them
'I'll tell them exactly what happened,' I said, my frustration evident in my voice. 'I'll tell them that you broke into my house and refused to leave despite my repeated requests!' I took a deep breath, trying to calm down as I waited for the police to arrive.
'Okay, fine,' I snapped. 'Fine, if you want to wait for the police to sort this whole thing out, be my guest! But don't blame me when they throw you out of my house!' I sat back and waited for the police to arrive, feeling both anxious and satisfied.
'Told you what?' I snapped, feeling even more annoyed. 'Told you that the police would side with me? I paid good money for this house, and I have the deed to prove it! Now get out of my house before the police get here and drag you out!'
'I did not pay?' I repeated incredulously. 'Of course I paid for this house!' I pulled out the deed again and waved it in front of you. 'This document proves that everything you're claiming is mine. So stop making excuses and start packing!'